


A Chance Encounter

by Sitcom_Fan



Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Love at First Sight, Meet-Cute, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29200209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sitcom_Fan/pseuds/Sitcom_Fan
Summary: Erin Quinn is in London, and a young tour guide catches her eye...
Relationships: James Maguire/Erin Quinn
Comments: 125
Kudos: 27





	1. The Sights of London

**Author's Note:**

> So this is set in an AU where James never moves to Derry.
> 
> Credit to Thenewwriter for this idea.
> 
> And there can never be too many Jerin fics, right??

July 1998

Erin walked across Trafalgar Square to join the open-top bus sightseeing tour. She handed her ticket over to the young man standing at the bus stop, who wore a uniform and held a bag around his neck containing a roll of tickets, a cash float and a microphone. He was around the same age as her and had short curly brown hair, green eyes and rather nice eyebrows. Erin was not like Michelle, who was constantly on the prowl, but she couldn’t deny that this boy was rather cute. His badge stated his name: James. 

“Welcome aboard, madam, please take a seat,” James said. Erin smiled and walked up the stairs to the top deck, where she claimed a seat near the front.

Five minutes later, the bus began to move. James appeared at the top of the stairs and headed to the front of the bus, where he took out his microphone. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for joining us on this tour. My name’s James and I will be your guide for today.” Erin smiled again; she couldn’t help but find James’s politeness rather endearing. Her choice of seat near the front was deliberate; sure, she was mainly there to see the sights of London, but an additional attraction, in human form, stood only two metres away.

The bus made its way through the streets of London while James told fascinating stories about the Houses of Parliament, the Tower of London and Buckingham Palace. Erin’s stomach churned at the statue of Oliver Cromwell (which Orla would have loved) and the story of Guy Fawkes and the gunpowder plot but thanks to James’s skill as a storyteller (and his rather nice eyebrows) she could somehow not switch off.

The bus returned to the start point and the passengers began to file off the bus, thanking James as they alighted. Erin deliberately took her time, only reaching the exit as James returned his bag to the driver. She stood nonchalantly by the bus stop while waiting for James to come her way, which he duly did.

“Hi,” Erin said with a smile.

“Erm...can I help you?” James asked nervously.

“I really enjoyed that tour! You were so knowledgeable and engaging! Give me your boss’s name and address so I can write a glowing review!” 

“Oh, thank you!” James blushed, not being used to receiving such positive feedback.

“You could help me, actually. I’ve got some time to kill and I was looking for a cafe.”

“Oh really? I was just going for a coffee myself. Do you want to join me?” 

“It would be rude not to.”

James led Erin to a small cafe a few streets away from the main square. They headed inside and took a seat.

“What would you like?” James asked. “I’ll pay.”

“Do you do this with all your customers?” Erin smirked.

“Only those who are young and pretty.” James immediately regretted his choice of words and his face quickly turned the colour of a ripe strawberry. “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t thinking-”

“Catch yourself on! It’s fine!” Erin responded, bursting out laughing at James’s awkwardness. “I’ll have an americano and a cream horn, or a cream finger if that’s not possible, or failing that, an apple turnover.”

“Of course….Sorry, I didn’t ask for your name?”

“Erin.”

“Pretty name.”

“Was your next line going to be ‘pretty name for a pretty girl’?” Erin smirked again, while James blushed.

“You’ll never know,” James chuckled and winked confidently. “I’m James.”

“I know, you introduced yourself to me and a whole bus of people just over an hour ago!”

“Oh yeah, so I did! Sorry, I’m terrible at first impressions! I’m in the wrong job!”

“It’s ok. I can’t help it if my ethereal Irish beauty is making you lose your faculties! To be fair, I have a terrible track record of losing my cool with fellas. I blame my parents for sending me to an all-girls school!”

James ordered and paid for the coffees and pastries. “So what brings you to London?”

“My friend’s here on a Stonewall conference at Kings’ College so I decided to tag along. I assume you live here?”

“In the holidays, when I’m home from uni. Where are you from?”

“A place called Derry originally but I’m also at college.”

“Derry? As in, the one they call Londonderry on the news?”

“That’s the one! Why do you ask?”

“My mum’s from there originally.”

“Really?” Erin’s eyes lit up. “Small world!”

“Yeah, she moved here before I was born. I bet you won’t know of her though.”

“Try me.”

“Her name’s Kathy Maguire.”

“She went to school with my ma and my aunt! Though they don’t really talk about her much. And I’m friends with her niece! Who I guess is your cousin!”

“You mean Michelle?”

“Yes. Have you ever been to Derry?”

“Only twice, years ago for my grandparents’ funerals. We flew into Derry and back on the same day. Mum doesn’t really talk to Auntie Deirdre. They don’t get on at all! Mum doesn’t like Derry much, she’s always disparaging of it.”

“Well, it’s a pity Michelle never told me she had a cousin. Especially when he’s handsome!”

“Similarly, it’s a shame I never knew Michelle had such beautiful friends!”

“Aren’t you a charmer? But it’s weird to come to one of the world’s major cities and meet someone who went to school with my ma!”

“Mental isn’t it?”

“Aye.”

“So how long are you here until?”

“Until Saturday, then back to Derry for the rest of the summer.”

“I’ve got the day off tomorrow if you’re free? Say, here at half one?”

“Sure.”

“It’s a date! Well, not a date, obviously. Sorry-”

“I knew what you meant!” Erin smiled, which James reciprocated.

“Erin, where do you go to uni?”

“Glasgow. I study English literature. What about you?”

“I’m reading Chemistry at Lancaster.”

“Look at you, doing a proper degree!”

“Well, I’m sure yours is more fun!”

“Aye, but I feel like I live in the library sometimes!”

“You know, Glasgow and Lancaster aren’t too far.”

“Are they not? I’m sorry, my geography of Great Britain is a bit poor!”

“No, only two hours apart by train. I was just thinking it would be nice to see you again in the autumn if you want?"

“Aye, that would be lovely.”

“Great, well I’ll see you tomorrow then. Here’s my number if you need it.” James took a pen and wrote his number down on a napkin, while Erin did the same.

“Thanks again for the tour, James. It was nice to meet you.”

“You too, Erin.”

The two newly acquainted nineteen-year-olds exchanged a smile before parting ways until their next meeting, both hoping it could be the start of something new.


	2. Stories from the Walled City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Erin meet up again and learn a few things about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, owing to popular demand, I've decided to continue this story and have a vague plan of where it will go!
> 
> Read on, and let me know what you think!

James arrived at the cafe ten minutes before the arranged meeting time, to maximise his time with Erin, about whom he had been thinking constantly since the impromptu coffee the previous day. As the meeting time drew closer, James began to panic; maybe Erin had come to her senses and decided not to show up. After all, why would a gorgeous girl like her want to spend time with a boy who enjoyed Doctor Who, even if James had not revealed that detail about himself? He tried to calm himself down; maybe she was simply running a bit late.

“Boo!” came a voice from behind James.

James jumped out of his skin, clutching his chest in shock, and turned around to find Erin grinning broadly, somehow even looking even prettier than yesterday. “Did I startle you?” she asked teasingly.

“Is that how you greet each other in Derry?” James asked drily.

“Yeah, if you like,” Erin responded, still grinning inanely.

“Thanks for coming to meet me.”

“You’re thanking me?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if-”

“You thought I was going to stitch you up? Catch yourself on!”

“Sorry, I was just nervous! And what does ‘catch yourself on’ mean?”

“It means ‘don’t be ridiculous!’ Did your ma never teach you that phrase?”

“No, she never talks about Derry other than how happy she was to be shot of the place!”

“Really? Well, I’d better educate you then! Though I may have my work cut out there!”

“Well, you’d better make a start then!”

“Oh, just you wait! There is one other thing that disappoints me, though.”

“What’s that?” James asked cluelessly, his confusion growing by the second (not that he really minded).

“You’re wearing plain clothes! I quite liked that wee uniform. You looked rather smart in it!”

“Well, I don’t wear it unless I have to!”

“Not even for a pretty girl?” Erin simpered, fluttering her eyebrows.

“Let’s go inside!”

They headed into the cafe and claimed a table, then ordered food.

“So, tell me about Derry.”

“Well, it’s a year since I left for uni but I went to this all-girl Catholic school with my friends. Michelle, your cousin, is one of my best friends. My other friends are Clare and my cousin, Orla.”

“Nice that you have a cousin around.”

“Yeah, she’s a bit eccentric, to put it mildly, but she’s very kind.”

“She sounds lovely. What are Clare and Michelle like?”

“Clare is the conscience of our wee gang. She’s very easily intimidated by authority and she’s the one who tries to keep us out of trouble, usually with little success! She’s very politically engaged and passionate about gay rights, which I admire her for. As for Michelle, well, she’s very...brash and rebellious. She swears a lot, drinks a lot, always gets us into trouble and is always eyeing up unsuspecting fellas….I’m not portraying her in the best light, am I?”

“Not especially, no!” They both burst out laughing.

“She’s a bit of a handful and sometimes a downright liability but she’s a good friend and a decent person deep down.”

“I haven’t seen her since my gran’s funeral ten years ago, and the main thing I can remember is her getting into trouble by trying to sing Rick Astley songs over the hymns. Mum told me to stay well away from her, which I did anyway because she was very rude to me throughout for having the temerity to be English.”

Erin broke out into hysterics. “Seriously? That’s the most hilarious story I’ve ever heard! KInd of awful, but I can’t not see the funny side in it! To be honest, that’s entirely consistent with the other carry on we’ve engaged in over the years!”

“What sort of carry on? I’m intrigued now!”

“How long have you got? There was one time we wanted to go to Paris but we didn’t have the money, so we stole the noticeboard from the chippy with job adverts on it. Unfortunately, Fionnuala - the woman who runs the chippy and terrifies the shit out of me and most people - caught us. We were forced to clean the chippy as punishment. Michelle got bored halfway through, sneaked upstairs to Fionnuala’s flat and decided to raid her drinks cabinet. She made up some sambuca shots but dropped them on the floor and ended up burning half the living room down!”

“Christ! How did you explain that?”

“We said that Michelle tripped while carrying a scented candle but funnily enough that didn’t wash!”

“Can’t think why! Did you end up going to Paris in the end?”

“No, sadly. Until I went to uni I’d never left Ireland! The furthest I’d ever been was Belfast! It’s one of the reasons I went to uni in Scotland. Michelle goes to Trinity College Dublin because it has the best drinking scene, Orla to Ulster University in Coleraine and Clare to Queen’s in Belfast.”

“Coleraine? Never heard of it!”

“Of course you haven’t. It’s only a small town about an hour from Derry but for political reasons, it’s where the second university in Northern Ireland is located.”

“I won’t ask about that! At least, not now!”

“Have you ever been to Paris?”

“Yeah, a few times. You can get there quite quickly on the train from here but for twenty pounds each way you can get there by coach overnight. We did that when my friend John turned eighteen.”

“Paris and back for forty pounds? A direct train there? Christ, I almost wish I’d grown up here! And as an Irish girl from a Catholic background that’s sacrilege! I hope the Irish ambassador isn’t around or he’ll strip me of my passport!”

“Well, I suppose we’re just blessed here by accident of geography!”

“Were the French girls pretty?”

“Yes, but nothing like you!”

“Good answer! Looks as if our food’s coming!”

As they enjoyed their meal, Erin regaled James with hilarious and disturbing stories of her time growing up in Derry, which involved doomed pursuits of sex with Protestant boys, unfortunately, timed deaths of nuns and aunts, a failed kidnapping of a statue and many other things.

“Well, I feel very boring now!” James chuckled.

“I’m sure you’re not boring! I mean, your ma’s from Derry and that’s pretty class in my opinion.”

“Have you got any siblings?”

“Yes, one wee sister, Anna, who’s five. Though Orla’s practically my sister to all intents and purposes. What about you?”

“Not on my mum’s side. I don’t know about my dad’s side because I’ve never met him.”

“Really? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. Mum doesn’t talk about him and I’m sure she’s got her reasons for that. My step-dad, Paul, is really good to us so I don’t really see any reason to disrupt our family dynamic.”

“That’s fair enough. Orla’s never known her da, and she’s perfectly happy. Our granda’s the best father figure she could ever want. They’re so close she even took him to prom as her date!”

“That’s cute.”

“Yeah, it is. I got stood up that night by the fella I asked along but luckily my friends came back and rescued me, so I wasn’t on my own all night.” 

“That’s nice. Are your family very close-knit?”

“Aye, we have to be! Aunt Sarah, Granda and Orla live next door to us but they’re always at our house. We drive each other up the wall and there’s never a dull moment!”

“Oh really? Tell me more!”

“Well, Aunt Sarah is, to say the least, a bit ditzy and lets Mammy do most of the work because Aunt Sarah’s too busy making herself look pretty. Daddy works long days as a delivery driver and works as a driving instructor on the side so I don’t see a great deal of him. Granda gives him a lot of grief and he hasn’t learnt to rise above it yet.”

“Why does he give your dad grief?”

“He mocks Daddy for driving for a living even though his own job was hardly any more prestigious! A lot of men his age stayed at home and claimed dole money while their wives went to work in the shirt factories because employment opportunities for men were limited. He also gives him stick for coming from the ‘Free State’ even though it hasn’t been called that since 1937!”

“You’re Catholics, right?”

“Aye, that’s right.”

“So your granddad presumably wants Northern Ireland to unify with the Republic...but he mocks your dad for coming from the Republic? I’m not sure I understand that.”

“I don’t either, truth be told. Granda’s never been quite the same since Granny died when I was five. I think it’s just how he reacts to grief.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s ok. As I said, we melt each other’s heads but we’ve got each other’s backs at the end of the day, which is important when you live in a place marred by decades of violence. I haven’t even mentioned Orla’s total disregard for privacy! No matter how hard I try to hide it, she always finds it and quotes it when I’m off guard.”

“That must be a pain!”

“Aye, I have to be careful about what I write in my diary. I may have to leave out the bit about meeting a handsome stranger on my travels.” Erin winked, while James looked down shyly at his plate.

James looked up. “A handsome stranger? How intriguing,” he said with a knowing smirk.

“Aye, I won’t be forgetting about him anytime soon!”

“He must be a fascinating guy! Look, do you want to come back to mine and chill for a bit?”

“Sure, why not?”

They paid the bill and took the next tube towards Highgate, where unbeknown to both of them, further surprises would lie in store.


	3. How the Other Half Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James brings Erin home where they continue to get acquainted with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter - I decided it would be better to split this chapter into two.

James and Erin exited Highgate tube station and made their way to James’s house, a large 1930s semi on an avenue lined with similar-looking properties, most of which had expensive cars parked in the driveway. Erin looked around in awe; apart from the times she’d been to Jenny Joyce’s house, she had never seen such levels of affluence in her down-at-heel hometown. She briefly wondered how much these houses would cost to buy and guessed that one of them would cost the same as half of the Creggan. She tried not to make assumptions about James based on his wealth as he seemed like a very nice boy, but there was no denying that he came from a different world.

James unlocked the door and opened it. “After you,” he said and Erin proceeded inside.  
“You can put your feet on the shoe rack. Hope you don’t mind it’s just that Mum’s quite strict about that!”

“Of course, my mammy’s the same!”

“Mothers, eh?” 

“Exactly!”

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

“Yes, please. Milk, no sugar.”

“Ok, sure. Take a seat in the lounge.” James opened the door to the aforementioned and Erin sat down on a sofa that was so comfortable that she could have easily fallen asleep. The other soft-furnishings were from the same range, which lent the room a tidy coherence. The television was twice the size, and considerably thinner, than her parents’ cathode ray tube device back home and it was clear that no expense had been spared with the other furniture. 

James entered the room with a wide tray containing two mugs of tea, two small plates, a tin of biscuits and a small jug of milk. He lay the tray down on the coffee table, poured a cup of tea and passed it to Erin. “Tea for the lady,” he said.

“This is very civilised. Feels a bit Jane Austen.”

“Yes, that television is an eighteenth-century model.”

Erin giggled. “You’re funny, James. I like it.”

“Want to listen to some Take That?”

“Aye, sure.”

James placed a CD in the stereo and pressed play. Suddenly, the opening bars of “Everything Changes” were audible from speakers in all four corners of the room and Erin’s mind was blown by the sharp quality of the sound. This was clearly how the other half lived. “This is my favourite,” he said. “What’s yours?”

“Not sure, there’s too many but if I had to say one it would probably be ‘Pray’. My favourite song overall is ‘I Can’t Be With You’ by The Cranberries.”

“I don’t really know any songs by The Cranberries apart from ‘Zombie’.”

“Really? Oh, James, you need an education! When I get home, I’ll make a mixtape and send it to you. Honestly, Dolores O’Riordan is such a poet!”

James smiled. “You’re very passionate about poetry, aren’t you?”

“Aye, I’m the stereotype of every student of English!”

“I like it. It’s admirable that you love what you do.”

“You’re too kind, James.” Erin smiled and paused. “Most people tell me to wise up and focus on getting a proper job!”

“You can do both! It doesn’t have to be a choice between pursuing your dream and getting a more...shall we say, mundane, career in the meantime.”

“You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear that!”

“Really? I thought it was pretty self-evident! I mean, Rome wasn’t built in a day and Seamus Heaney didn’t become a Nobel Prize winner overnight!”

“I loved that you used Seamus Heaney as an example! He’s my favourite poet! He’s from Derry, you know?”

“I don’t think I did, actually.”

“That’s ok. My project, which I call ‘The Education of the Wee English Fella’ isn’t going to be an overnight venture!”

“Wee English fella?”

“Yes, because you’re English and a fella. Granted you’re not small, but we never let that get in the way of calling something wee.”

“So you call things wee for no real reason?”

“Exactly! The wee English fella is learning fast!”

“Well, I’m honoured! More tea?”

“Aye, that would be cracker.” 

“I’ll make a fresh pot.”

James headed to the kitchen and put the kettle on, just as a key turned in the front door, which began to open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm saying is: the wooden spoon can travel...


	4. The Legend with the Exquisite Eyebrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Erin's childhood mysteries is finally demistified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you which was SO much fun to write! Enjoy it!

The door opened fully just as James was on his way back to the living room and Kathy, his mother, entered the house.

“Hi, Mum, you’re back early.”

“Aye, the trade fair was winding down so I took an earlier train home.”

“Good journey back?”

“Had a bit of a delay but not too bad. Honestly, are there any weather conditions when trains can run in this country? When it’s snowy, it’s the wrong kind of snow; when it rains, the track floods; when it’s windy, trees fall and block the line and when it’s too sunny, the track expands! And don’t get me started on bloody leaves on the line!”

“Well, glad you’re back.”

“Have you got company, James?” Kathy asked, noticing the tray he was carrying.

“Yes, in the living room.”

Kathy followed James into the living room where Erin was sitting nervously on the sofa. “Mum, meet Erin. Erin, meet Mum.”

“Hello, Ms Maguire,” Erin said shyly.

“Hello, Erin, and please call me Kathy!” Kathy replied, then turned to James. “Honestly, James, what are you like, bringing strange girls home? You treat this place like a bachelor pad!” she added, pretending to be strict and feigning disapproval before adopting a more teasing tone: “Though, I suppose it’s just one of the perils of having such a big, handsome boy as a son! Lovely for me but embarrassing for him!” Kathy ruffled James’s hair, kissed him on the cheek (leaving quite a conspicuous lipstick mark) and grinned broadly, proud of the profound embarrassment she was causing to James, evident in the way he was looking down at the floor.

“I’m sorry. I can leave if you want?” Erin offered.

“Oh no, stay! I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome, I was just having too much fun embarrassing my son!” Kathy reassured Erin, “After sixteen hours of labour, I think I earned the right!” 

“Seriously, Mum?” James seethed.

Kathy ignored James and simply said, “Excuse me for a minute while I powder my nose!”

“I’ll get you a mug, Mum. One minute, Erin,” James said. Kathy disappeared upstairs and James went to fetch a mug from the kitchen.

Erin breathed out deeply in shock at having just met the one and only Kathy Maguire, a woman who was a highly divisive figure among the women in her community on the Derry Cityside, while greatly adored by the men (and Aunt Sarah) for her exquisite eyebrows, an opinion that Erin shared. James was a lucky boy to inherit them. With her aviators, Radley handbag and heavy-duty Samsonite suitcase, it was difficult to believe that this woman came from humble beginnings on the same estate as Erin. She looked very young considering that she must have been the same age as Ma Mary and Aunt Sarah: too young to have a nineteen-year-old son in any case.

James returned to the living room with the extra mug and found Erin staring towards the window, seemingly deep in thought. “Sorry about that. Mum can be a bit of an overwhelming presence when you first meet her!”

“Oh, it’s ok! I just never thought I’d meet the one and only Kathy Maguire!” 

“Is she something of a legend in Derry?”

“Aye, you could say that!”

James poured three cups of tea, handed one to Erin and placed one on a coaster for Kathy, who promptly reappeared. “Cup of tea, dearest mother.”

“Thanks, love. So, Erin, where did you meet James?”

“He was doing a tour yesterday and I went up to him at the end to thank him for making it so enjoyable. I asked him if he could recommend a cafe and because he was going for a coffee himself, he invited me along and we got chatting, decided to meet up again today when James invited me round!”

“Oh, James, you are such a wayward boy, bringing your tour guests home!” Kathy teased. “But don’t worry, Erin, he doesn’t do this regularly!”

“I should hope not!” Erin laughed along with Kathy as James’s face grew even redder with embarrassment. “Oh dear, looks like we’ve embarrassed him!”

“Don’t worry, he’s such a mammy’s boy I can get away with saying pretty much anything!” Kathy replied.”Anyway, Erin, I’m sorry to be so blunt and direct but your accent sounds rather familiar. Where are you from?”

“Derry, Northern Ireland. James said you were as well.”

“I thought as much! Fancy meeting another Derry girl! I thought I recognised the accent because it’s so distinctive. It took me a while to lose mine when I moved here. It was years before my husband’s family understood me!” Kathy said.

“My ma and aunt have mentioned you occasionally in the past,” Erin told Kathy.

“Oh really? Who are they?” Kathy asked curiously.

“Mary and Sarah McCool, though my ma’s now Mary Quinn.”

“I see the resemblance! By Christ, the McCool sisters were quite the stunners back in the day! They must have disfigured a lot of necks the way they turned all the fellas’ heads!” Kathy said. “I dare say you’ve had a good genetic inheritance, Erin!”

“Thank you, Kathy,” Erin responded, blushing slightly. “I would say the same about James.”

“Oh, I quite agree! He doesn’t know he was born!” Kathy cackled. “It’s a long time since I’ve been to Derry, mind. I’ve got my hands full, running a business and being mother to this wee rascal!” James rolled his eyes as Kathy lightly tapped the bridge of his nose. “No, he’s a good boy really. I just wish he’d meet a nice girl!” she added pointedly, while James looked away and wrapped his arms across his stomach defensively. “Bless him, he gets shy in the presence of pretty girls!” James blushed again and made the briefest of eye contact with Erin.

“What’s your business, Kathy?” Erin asked.

“I design and sell high-end gift labels. Sometimes James helps me sell them. He’s a great salesman and there’s no more effective weapon in marketing than a handsome and charming young man!” Kathy answered.

“Running your own business...that’s impressive,” Erin remarked.

“You’re too kind, Erin!” Kathy gushed. “But then, we Derry women are made of strong stuff!” We’re a self-reliant and enterprising breed of people! But enough about me. What brings you to London?”

“My friend from uni is at a conference so I tagged along to see some of the sights and as I said, James was my tour guide,” Erin explained.

“Where are you at university and what are you reading?” Kathy asked.

“Glasgow, I’m studying English,” Erin replied.

“I told James he should have chosen an arts degree to meet nice girls but he insisted on opting for chemistry!” Kathy beamed “Glasgow isn’t too far from Lancaster, is it?” 

“Only two hours by train,” James confirmed.

“We’re going to meet up again in the autumn. Maybe in Carlisle as it’s about halfway,” Erin elaborated.

“Well steer clear of Gretna Green! Unless of course you invite me and give me time to buy a new dress and get my nails done!” Kathy teased as the threadbare remains of James’s dignity and composure melted away into the ether. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“That’s a very kind offer but I’d better get back to meet my friend,” Erin answered.

“I’ll walk you to the tube,” James offered quickly, desperate to get a reprieve from his mother’s intense teasing.

“Such a gent!” Kathy squealed.

“You’ve raised him well, Kathy,” Erin agreed.

“Lovely to meet you, Erin,” Kathy said, shaking hands with Erin. “I hope our paths cross again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just by way of explanation, "The wrong type of snow" is a phrase coined by the British media to refer to a feeble excuse. You can read about the origins here if you want https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_wrong_type_of_snow
> 
> And yes, there's no wooden spoon but I feel James suffered enough with all that embarrassment from Kathy...poor guy.


	5. We'll Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Erin say goodbye for the time being. James has some more information for his mother about his new friend.

James and Erin put on their shoes, headed out of the front door and exchanged an awkward glance.

Erin was the first to speak. “Well, that was...interesting.”

“I’m sorry. Mum can be quite a presence, to say the least!”

“Well, she liked me so she must be a reasonably good judge of character!” Erin giggled and winked at James. “She clearly loves you very much and is very proud of you. Not that my mammy isn’t but she never dotes on me like that! Such a mammy’s boy!”

“Hey!”

“I never said it was a bad thing!”

“Well, I’ll take it as a compliment then!” James paused. “It is true, I can’t deny that we’re close. Not in an Oedipal sense, I should add.”

Erin laughed. “I didn’t need that reassurance but thanks anyway! And aren’t you cultured, referring to Greek mythology! I’m impressed!”

“Well, that’s my Classics GCSE serving me well!” 

“A Classics GCSE! I didn’t know such a thing existed! I should have suspected you’d have gone to a posh school!”

“Ok, I admit I did, but it wasn’t my choice! Mum spent months going to church so she could get me into it, even if she gave up Catholicism when she was eighteen!”

“Well, that’s good parenting on her part!”

They continued to walk in a comfortable silence until they reached the entrance of the tube station. 

“Do you know where to go from here?”

“Aye.” Erin paused. “Look, James, thank you so much for showing me around and taking me under your wing. I really appreciate it, seriously.”

“Pleasure was all mine!”

“Aren’t you a charmer? I can’t wait to tell all the girls at home about this nice local boy I met on my travels!”

“Really? What was his name?” James grinned like an idiot while Erin rolled her eyes.

“I think it was...John...you know what, I can’t remember!” They both laughed.

“I wish you could stay a bit longer.” 

“Aye, me too, but we’ll meet again.”

“Yeah, we will. Have a safe trip home and let me know when you get back.”

“I will do, and keep an eye on your post! Missing you already!”

“Bye, Erin.”

The two shared an awkward hug then broke apart, at which point Erin finally descended the steps towards the station and James turned on his heel and headed home with an enormous grin on his face. When he got home, Kathy was chopping an onion and was about to crush a clove of garlic she had just peeled.

“Hi, Mum.”

“Hello, love. You’ve had an exciting couple of days!”

“Don’t worry, Mum, there was no funny business!”

“I should hope not!” Kathy cast a stern look towards James while holding a large knife, making her look simultaneously comical and sinister. “Though now I think about it, you would have beautiful wee uns so I wouldn’t have minded too much if there had been.”

“Mum! I only met Erin yesterday!”

“Yes, but remember that it is a truth universally acknowledged and all that!”

“Mum, I’m not in possession of a good fortune!”

“Not yet, but if property prices here rise as forecast you’ll be heir to one at some point. Sorry, that’s a bit morbid. But I do hope you’ll be seeing Erin again because she seems like a lovely girl!”

“I will be, don’t you worry!”

“Perhaps you should dial down the charm a bit when you’re at work or you’ll be getting offers left right and centre and I don’t want my son to become a modern-day Don Giovanni!”

“I think that’s unlikely!”

“Don’t be naive, James! Boys with charm are dangerous, especially those who underestimate the power of it or in your case, don’t know they have it!”

“Whatever you say, Mum! Let me help you with dinner.”

“Thanks, love. Could you chop the chicken, please?”

“Of course. By the way, Erin is friends with cousin Michelle?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Michelle is one of Erin’s best friends.”

“Oh, how interesting.”

“Apparently, Michelle’s quite a rebel and has gotten her friends into trouble several times.”

“Really? That’s fantastic!”

“Is it?”

“Yes, because it means that I’ve got the good kid! I bet my condescending, patronising sister isn’t so smug now!” Kathy theatrically crushed the clove of garlic using her Lakeland garlic press and gripped it for longer than necessary as a symbol of her deep-seated resentment of her older sister. 

James and Kathy continued cooking and ten minutes later, the door opened and Paul entered. “Evening,” he sighed with visible fatigue, placing his suit jacket on the back of a chair and loosening his tie slightly.

“Hello, love, good trip to Paris?” Kathy asked.

“Yes, thank you. That Eurostar is a godsend! Much better than going all the way out to Gatwick!” Paul replied. “All right, son?” he asked his stepson. “Anything to report?”

“Oh, Paul, it’s been quite an eventful couple of days for this wee charmer!” Kathy cut in.  
“When I came home this afternoon after my business trip to the less glamorous destination of Birmingham, James had the company of a delightful young lady!”

“Oh, really?” Paul asked, his eyes widening in intrigue.

“Yeah, I was working yesterday and this girl came up to me afterwards to say how much she enjoyed it. We went for a coffee then met up for lunch today and I invited her back here,” James told Paul.

“She’s gorgeous, Paul,” Kathy interrupted, “And it turns out she’s not only from Derry but is the daughter of one of my old friends and a friend of my niece Michelle!”

“Michelle...was she the one who was singing Rick Astley songs at your mother’s funeral?” Paul asked.

“That’s right, the disrespectful little hallion! Though I admit it’s sort of funny in retrospect,” Kathy responded.

“We’re going to meet up again in the autumn. She goes to uni in Glasgow so not too far from Lancaster,” James elaborated.

“So this girl was on one of your tours yesterday, she’s been here and you’re seeing her again?” Paul asked to confirm his understanding of the story.

“That’s right,” James replied.

“Well, son, sounds like you’ve pulled! Good on you!” Paul said proudly, ruffling James’s curly hair.

“Hardly! We’ve only known each other for two days!” James protested defensively.

“You should have seen them, Paul, Erin seemed very taken with our James!” Kathy gushed.

“Erin? Is that her name?”

“Yes, it means Ireland,” James replied.

“Pretty name...have you got a photo?”

“Yes, I do actually,” James answered. He reached for his wallet, pulled out a polaroid that Erin had taken earlier that day of her and James in the cafe and passed it to Paul.

“Good lord, she’s gorgeous!” Paul exclaimed.

“I know,” James said nervously, “Can’t really believe she was so keen to spend time with me!”

“I can, James. I know I’m your mother and I’m biased but the point still stands!” Kathy responded. “Anyway, let’s sit down and eat. I want to hear about Michelle’s antics!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lakeland is a posh kitchenware shop headquartered in the Lake District in North-West England, hence the name.
> 
> The Eurostar opened in 1994, four years before this fic is set.


	6. The Fact-Finding Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin returns to Derry and there are a lot of questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you - quite a long one but hope you enjoy!

Erin had a spring in her step as she landed at Derry City Airport, full of excitement about the prospect of telling her family all about her adventures in London and her meeting with the infamous Kathy Maguire and her rather handsome and charming son. Her first job was to telephone James and confirm her safe arrival before getting to work on making the mixtape of The Cranberries songs; she had thought long and hard about which songs to include. In fact, she had thought about little else since saying goodbye to James less than twenty-four hours ago.

Erin continued to the main concourse where her cousin Orla was staring up at the departure screen, clearly fascinated by the names of places she had never visited.

“Hi, Orla.”

“Erin!” Orla threw her arms around her older cousin, taking Erin by surprise. “We’ve missed you so much!”

“It’s lovely to be back. I didn’t know you were picking me up!”

“Aye, Granda was tied up so he sent me instead.”

“Oh, ok.” Much to the irritation of Erin, Clare and Michelle, Orla was the most competent driver and had passed her test on the first attempt, earning only one fault for not signalling on approach to a roundabout. To be fair, Orla was a stickler for rules.

“So, did you meet the queen?”

“No, oddly enough I didn’t get an invitation to Buckingham Palace!”

“Shame, those wee corgis are so cute. Did you see that wee clock? Well, it’s not actually that wee but you know what I mean-”

“Do you mean Big Ben? Well, technically no because Big Ben is the name of the bell rather than the clock itself, but I did see that clock.” Erin smiled at the thought of the nice your guide who had taught her little nugget of information.

“Did you meet Peggy?”

“How many times, Orla? Eastenders is not real! And no, I didn’t meet Barbara Windsor!”

“Shame, Granda used to have a bit of a crush on her.”

“I didn’t meet anyone famous or interesting, unfortunately.” That wasn’t actually true, but Erin would wait to tell that story.

Once they were both in the car, Orla started the engine and drove straight out of the parking bay, feeling glad she had gone to the effort of reverse parking earlier. After navigating the car park, she placed her ticket in the slot and continued driving once the barrier was up.

Suddenly, Orla started a commentary. “At the wee roundabout we’re taking the third exit towards Londonderry so we approach in the right-hand lane, signal right on approach, slow down and select second gear and as it’s clear we can join. Signal left as we pass the second exit then cancel as we leave. The speed limit on a dual carriageway is seventy miles per house so we accelerate and move up to third, fourth, then fifth!” Orla smiled after successfully conquering the roundabout. 

“Orla, it’s not Londonderry, it’s Derry, and you don’t need to give a commentary on every manoeuvre!” 

“Aye, but that’s what it says on the sign! And I’m a better driver than you so maybe you can learn something.”

Erin said nothing and frowned, not used to being beaten by Orla in arguments.

“At the next roundabout, we’re taking the second exit, road ahead so it’s left lane, no signal on approach…” Erin rolled her eyes and looked out of the window. This was going to feel like a long journey.

Eventually, Orla stopped her commentary as she concentrated on parallel parking the car on their hilly street, applying the handbrake (pulling it nice and high to avoid a repeat of the rollback incident of 1994) and turning off the engine when complete. She and Erin headed inside where the whole family minus Uncle Colm (thankfully) and Anna (who was at a birthday party) plus Michelle and Clare, were gathered.

“Look who’s back!” Erin announced.

“Aye, Erin, you look as pasty as you did before,” Sarah commented.

“Sarah, I’ve only been to England, not Spain!” Erin grumbled.

“Pity,” Michelle said, “Spanish fellas are such rides, even more so than French fellas! I often dream about meeting a Diego or Miguel...or Carlos! Bet you didn’t meet any rides in London, at least not any local ones.”

Erin wanted to grin smugly at how wrong Michelle was but kept up her deception. Luckily, Clare spoke instead: “Michelle, do you evaluate everything by the prospect of meeting fellas?”

“Aye, Michelle, that’s not healthy. You should see a doctor,” Mary said.

“A teenage girl who’s into young lads is hardly a medical oddity!” Gerry chipped in.

“How would you know? Creepy shite!” Joe snapped. The others remained silent and rolled their eyes.

“Anyway, enough about Michelle’s incurable sex addiction,” Clare began, “I want to hear about your trip!”

“Well, you’ll never guess who I met!” Erin exclaimed.

“Barbara Windsor?” Joe offered.

“Mo Mowlam?” Clare suggested, earning some odd looks.

“Robbie Williams?” Michelle offered, eliciting eye rolls from everyone.

“The fella from London’s burning?” Sarah suggested.

“Oh, please let it be him!” Mary shrilled hopefully.

“Mick Jagger?” Gerry said.

“Nicole!” Orla shouted. The room went quiet; no one had the energy to explain that Nicole was fictional and that Renault was a French car manufacturer.

“Well, some of us in the room know her personally,” Erin told her audience.

Mary, Michelle and Sarah’s mouths fell open when the penny finally dropped.

“You mean…” Michelle said slowly in a low voice, “you met my aunt Kathy?”

“That’s right,” Erin responded “and yes, Aunt Sarah, the eyebrows were cracker.”

“Aye, some things don’t change,” Sarah muttered.

“Kathy Maguire!” Mary spat disdainfully. “Always thought she was too good for this place!”

“Michelle, are you not bothered by your family being slagged off?” Clare asked, somewhat concerned about Michelle’s indifference.

“Christ no, she’s a stuck up dose!” Michelle snapped indignantly.

“So, Erin, how did you meet THE Kathy Maguire?” Sarah asked, as though Kathy was Elizabeth Taylor. In all fairness, there were some similarities.

“I took a bus tour of London and afterwards I went to thank the wee fella who gave the tour for making it so interesting. He was going for a coffee and I was too, so we got chatting and it turned out that he’s Kathy Maguire’s wee un!” Erin told her family excitedly.

“So, you went for a coffee with a young lad whose mother went to school with your own ma?” Joe asked.

“That’s right,” Erin confirmed.

“You met my dickhead cousin John…” Michelle sneered. “Hope you’re not too traumatised!”

“Firstly, Michelle, his name is James! Secondly, he was a really nice fella!” Erin protested.

“Did you really forget your cousin’s name, Michelle?” Clare asked incredulously.

“Deirdre never mentioned anything about Kathy having a son,” Gerry said.

“She talks about her sister as little as possible, Gerry,” Michelle explained. Gerry said nothing and raised his eyebrows, having not been aware just how acrimonious the relationship between Deirdre and Kathy actually was.

“So, at what point did you meet Kathy?” Mary asked suspiciously. In the background, the ever-present wooden spoon hung ominously from its hook, ready to be deployed at any time. Beside it lay another potential weapon: the garlic press.

“So...James invited me to lunch yesterday and then asked me back to his house for a cup of tea then about an hour later Kathy arrived,” James explained.

“Aha! He was trying to get into your pants, the wee perv!” Michelle snapped.

“For god’s sake, Michelle!” Erin hissed. “He was a really lovely fella! Probably the nicest fella I’ve ever met: very charming, kind and quite good-looking too. If you’d have met him in the last ten years you’d know that! Moreover, you’re hardly the best judge of character! Let me remind you that you were riding Danny Scanlon!”

“Erin! Enough!” Mary shouted.

“Don’t you mention that scumbag to me!” Michelle growled. “I hope he’s burning in hell with Moira O’Keefe and his stupid brother Brian!” 

“Cut it out!” Joe yelled. “Mrs Scanlon and the O’Keefes didn’t choose to have their wee uns get blown to pieces by a prematurely exploding bomb they were trying to plant! They have to live with that heartbreak every day!”

“Aye, Daddy, sure Anthony was in bits about it last night,” Sarah added, “Sure, he was weeping into my shoulder for half an hour before we went to bed.”

“He’s lucky to have you as his partner, Sarah,” Mary said softly.

“Ok, but if you play with fire, your fingers will get burnt!” Michelle said defiantly, still full of contempt for her deceased ex boyfriend.

“Pretty comprehensively burnt in this case,” Orla mumbled.

“Anyway, Erin, remember what I said about staying safe!” Mary said sternly.

“Mammy, I practically grew up in a fecking war zone! I know a thing or two about the importance of staying safe!” Erin retorted.

“Watch it, Erin! You’re not too old for the wooden spoon!” Gerry warned.

“Give us the dirt on Kathy!” Sarah begged.

“Well, she runs a successful gift-label business and says that she’ll be selling them in Northern Ireland at some point. She’s married to a fella who earns a fortune in the City of London but I can’t remember what it is that he does. They live in this really posh house that’s probably worth all the houses on this street combined!” Erin told her family. “Sure, she seems a bit of a snob but she liked me.”

“What about her wee fella?” Mary inquired, “Kathy never seemed a maternal type.” Her face conveyed a level of concern for a young boy she had never met.

“She dotes on him a lot and calls him ‘my big handsome boy’,” Erin answered. “She embarrassed him in a loving, motherly way and you can tell they’re close.”

“Well, Erin, it’s nice that you’ve made a friend but remember what we said about being careful around English boys!” Mary said sharply.

“Mammy, about twenty per cent of the fellas I know are English!” Erin grumbled with exasperation.

“But I thought you went to college in Scotland?” Orla said quizzically.

“People travel, Orla,” Clare remarked pointedly.

“Exactly, Clare! There’s a lad on my course who comes from Devon, which I thought was just a brand of custard!” Erin said smugly.

“Is this James fella a full-time tour guide?” Joe asked.

“Only during the holidays. He studies Chemistry at Lancaster University,” Erin responded.

“A scientist, eh? I’ve always respected scientists even if I don’t know what they’re talking about!” Joe said with an approving smile.

“Is Lancaster anywhere near Glasgow?” Gerry asked.

“About the same distance as from here to Dublin,” Erin replied.

“Well, you won’t be seeing him again then if he’s so far away,” Michelle said with derision.

“Not quite so, Michelle, because there’s a fast train line and a motorway. We have neither this side of Lough Neagh, but the west coast of Britain has both!” Erin responded. 

“So would it be fairly easy to see him again?” Gerry asked.

“Aye, we’ll meet up about half-way, it’s grand,” Erin answered.

“Have you got a photo of this wee fella?” Mary asked.

“Yes,” Erin replied and passed a polaroid of herself and James in the cafe around.

“By Christ, he’s inherited Kathy’s eyebrows so he has,” Sarah commented.

“Aye, he’s the spitting image of her,” Mary agreed.

“He looks like a nice lad,” Gerry remarked.

“I bet he’s got good manners,” Joe said.

“His hair is a bit like mine! That’s cracker!” Orla said happily.

“Is that him?” Michelle gasped. “I can’t recognise him!”  
“When did you last see him?” Clare asked.

“At my granny’s funeral, ten years ago,” Michelle replied.

“Is it true you sang Rick Astley songs over the hymns?” Erin asked, smirking slightly.

“Can’t believe he remembered that!” Michelle snapped indignantly.

“Really, Michelle?” Sarah asked incredulously. “I mean, all the artists in the world and you had to choose Rick Astley? I’d have picked Bananarama, personally.”

“I’d have remembered that, to be fair,” Clare said.

“Ok, I need to call James and let him know I got home safely,” Erin announced. “Pass me the phone.”

Mary, Gerry and Joe shared a rare three-way smile at Erin’s latest utterance. They hadn’t met her new English male friend, but if he took her safety seriously then that was an encouraging sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I alluded to the INCREDIBLE series by Warks1999 "Our Favourite Eejits". Please check it out if you haven't already but try to avoid reading it late at night, and keep tissues handy...


	7. A Modern Lancelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Erin meet again and discuss a variety of things...

James was sitting on the platform at Carlisle railway station, reading The Princess Bride; his favourite book provided a much-needed break from the lab reports he had been reading on the journey from Lancaster. On his walkman, The Cranberries’ album  _ Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can’t We? _ was playing. Erin had been fully correct to say that Dolores O’Riordan was a poet and her voice was nothing short of mesmerising.

Suddenly, a three-tone chime sounded to signal an announcement over the public address system, followed by a monotonous female voice: “The train now approaching Platform Three is the eleven fifty-four Virgin Trains service to London Euston, calling at Penrith North Lakes, Lancaster, Preston, Wigan North Western, Warrington Bank Quay, Crewe and London Euston. This train is from Glasgow Central.”

James stood up and watched the train crawl to a stop. He turned his head, alternating from left to right as he tried to spot Erin and smiled when he registered her walking along the platform towards him, reciprocating James’s smile.

“Well, who is this dapper fella I see before me?” Erin asked with a smirk, noticing James’s preppy outfit, consisting of a red shirt, black sleeveless cardigan, olive green cotton trousers, and a lightweight coat. On his head, he wore a dark blue baker boy cap.

“Well, come with me and find out!” James responded with a friendly wink (assuming such a thing did exist) and pulled the front of his cap down slightly.

“Lovely to see you,” Erin said softly.

“And you,” James responded, pulling Erin for a surprisingly tender hug given that they had only known each other for three months. He rather enjoyed the smell of her perfume, while Erin felt the same about James’s aftershave. They began to make their way to Carlisle city centre.

“Good journey?” James asked Erin.

“Aye, very easy. I still can’t believe how quick it was given it takes feckin’ ages to get from Derry to Belfast, which is a shorter distance!”

“Fecking...I love that word but I can’t take it seriously as a swear word.”

“Excuse me? I hope you’re not insulting my culture!”

“No, I just think it sounds too innocent and mild to be a swear word. Changing the vowel makes the world of difference.”

“You’re a wee English fecker, James!”

“I’ll take that as a compliment!” James said smugly while Erin rolled her eyes.

“How was your journey?”

“It was ok, spent most of it reading my lab reports and trying not to get distracted by the scenery outside.”

“If you ever come to Ireland you’ll have to take the train from Belfast to Derry. It’s slow but scenic which makes up for it.”

“Interesting...so how have your first few weeks gone?”

“Been ok thanks. It’s nice to be back at college away from the madhouse that is my parents’ house. Though college is a madhouse of its own!”

  
“Which do you prefer?”

“I’m not sure, actually. Glasgow makes Derry feel tiny! When I went home for summer, I got a bit of reverse culture shock because I’d gotten so used to being anonymous in Glasgow and I’d forgotten that I used to constantly bump into people I know in Derry. Everyone knows everything about me there!”

“Sounds a bit like Airstrip One!”

“Well, funnily enough, we have our own version of The Party. They’re monsters who patrol our streets, abuse their power and authority. They’re cold and militant, always watching us, following us. They search our bags, pat down our bodies, barking their questions: ‘Where are you going? What are you hiding?’”

“I can’t imagine what it’s like having the army watching you constantly.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean the army. Michelle quite enjoyed having soldiers to eye up. One time, I had to stop her telling one she had an incendiary device down her knickers. I told her she’d be pinned to the ground and arrested, which was a mistake because she’d probably have enjoyed that!”

“I’ll have to tell Mum that story! Did you mean the RUC then?”

“No. Granda has on occasion accused them of discrimination when his driving licence was suspended but the truth is he’s just a terrible driver!”

“So, who are these monsters then?”

  
“Our mammies, James! Let’s just say that if Derry were a dictatorship, it wouldn’t need a secret police force!”

“Sounds a bit intense!”

“Wasn’t your mammy strict?”

  
“When it comes to household cleanliness, yes, and she encourages me to dress smartly but in most other areas she’s not strict.”

“Really? Are you sure she’s Irish?”

“Why? Is being very strict a requirement for being an Irish mammy?”

“Yes! Clearly your ma’s been in England for too long!”

“She said she never really felt the need to be too strict. She was thrilled when I told her about Michelle’s antics because it meant, and I quote ‘I’ve got the good kid!’”

Erin laughed, then her face went pale with horror. “Wait, you told her? Oh Christ! She probably thinks I’m a wee hallion who’s going to corrupt you and lead you astray!”

“Oh no, she was very taken with you! I made sure to emphasise that Michelle was the ringleader.”

  
“Defending my honour? How chivalrous! I’ll have to call you Lancelot!”

“Well, a humble boy like me can only try to be a gentleman! Are you hungry? I was thinking we could get some lunch and then look around the castle!”

“Lead the way, Lancelot, this damsel is famished!”

After a cheap lunch in a modest but cosy cafe, James and Erin strolled towards the castle on the edge of the city centre.

“Nice castle,” Erin remarked.

“Yes, it’s very impressive,” James responded in agreement.

“In a way, it reminds me of the city walls in Derry.” Erin’s tone of voice was somewhat plaintive and longing,

“Does it?”

“It does! I also noticed there’s a road here called the A6! That’s the name of the main road out of Derry!”

  
“Do you feel a bit homesick?”

“Aye, I do a bit.”

  
“Sorry to hear that. I mean, I don’t really know what to say to help but-”

  
“It’s ok, James. Your presence alone is a comfort.”

“Really?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Wow...I’m flattered!”

“It’s true!”

They sat down on a bench overlooking the castle grounds. James checked his watch. “I think we should head back soon.”

“We’ll have to do this again. You’re very welcome in Glasgow, you know.”

“Likewise, it would be lovely to welcome you to Lancaster.”

“Do you know of anywhere else that’s nice to go?”

“Keswick’s not too far from here and that’s lovely. It’s in the Lake District, right by a lake. We could go camping? Sorry, that’s probably a bit forward of me!”

“Not at all, I love camping!”

“Well, that’s good then!”

They exchanged a smile before heading back to the station, their hands brushing against each other too many times to be credibly accidental.


	8. A Knock at the Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is visiting Erin and there's a potential threat to their plans...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but there's a reason why it' short....

James awoke one morning, lying in a sleeping bag on a camping mat on the floor of Erin’s bedroom at her shared student house. He peered up at Erin in her bed - she was still fast asleep - then stood up to look out of the window to gauge the current state of the Glaswegian weather on the mid-February Saturday. The sky was blue and clear, which probably meant it was crisp and cold outside, which was preferable to torrential rain.

After showering, James headed downstairs, made two cups of tea and carried on upstairs into Erin’s room. “Morning, dear host. Cup of tea,” he said while placing the cup carefully on the bedside table.

Erin stirred, then slowly opened her eyes while yawning. “Thank you, Lancelot,” she murmured with a slight giggle.

“Am I stuck with that nickname?”

“Aye, you may just be!” Erin sat up and began to drink her tea.

“Is the tea up to scratch?”

“Aye, perfect. I could get used to this!”

“I’ll instruct Justin to make you tea every morning when he gets back from Milton Keynes!”

Erin smiled. “For ages I used to think Milton Keynes was a person. To be honest, I’m not convinced it’s a real place.”

“It’s definitely real. I went there once on a geography trip.”

“What was it like? It sounds like quite a charming name.”

“It’s charming if you like roundabouts and concrete cows! But it does have a nice IKEA.”

“We don’t have one anywhere near us but if we did, Mammy would drag Daddy there most weekends!”

“I’ll go and make breakfast. Pancakes ok?”

“Sure.”

James went downstairs and cooked a batch of pancakes.

“Now they smell totally cracker!” Erin exclaimed.

“Well sit down and I’ll serve them up!” 

James served the pancakes up, to Erin’s delight. “By Christ, I’m buzzin’ about these! How do you make them so well?”

“Paul taught me to make them. The trick is to make the batter smooth and runny and get the pan really hot.”

“We’ve never had pancakes at home before. Any meal involving a hot pan and oil wouldn’t end well when my friends are part of the equation.”

“Well, you’ve got form for burning a flat down!”

“True. It is nice having the house to myself!”

“Where have your housemates gone again?” 

“Justin’s in Milton Keynes visiting his family, Colin’s gone home to Perth for the weekend and Melissa’s in Leeds visiting her boyfriend. What time are we meeting Paul and your ma in town again?”

“Midday.”

“I’d better shift myself and have a shower!” 

“I’ll wash up in here.”

“If there’s a knock at the door, it’ll be Justin’s friend Simon returning a textbook.”

“Ok.”

James washed up and had just finished placing the plates back in the cupboard when, as Erin predicted, there was indeed a knock at the door. James duly walked to the front door and began to open it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guess who's at the door?
> 
> Answers in the comments...


	9. An Awkward Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James opens the door and finds out who's on the other side...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a weird chapter...but hope you like it!

James did a double-take when he registered the man and woman in their forties standing in the street: even if he hadn’t seen them in a photograph before, there was no mistaking that they were Erin’s parents given the resemblance Erin bore to both of them, especially her mother.

“Erm, hello, Mr and Mrs Quinn,” James said awkwardly.

“Hello,” Gerry responded while Mary frowned.

“Is Erin in?” Mary asked.

  
“She’s just upstairs at the moment,” James answered. “Come in.”

Mary and Gerry stepped over the threshold and wiped their feet on the mat, puzzled as to why James was surprised to see them. This was not how either of them had imagined meeting the son of a long-lost friend.

“Have you just got here from Derry?” James asked, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Yes,” Gerry answered. “We got the first ferry to Cairnryan and then drove here.”

“Oh...ok, can I get you both a cup of tea?” James offered. Making tea was always a good way to temporarily alleviate the awkwardness. “You must be tired after that journey.”

“Aye, that’d be grand,” Mary answered. “Not much milk and no sugar, please.”

“Ok, sure. Take a seat in the living room,” James replied, before heading to the kitchen to make the tea and buy himself time before Erin was finished in the shower. Though Erin was merely a friend (albeit a good one), he should have known meeting her parents would have been on the cards at some point but the unexpected nature of the meeting did little to reduce the awkwardness in the air, nor did Kathy’s swift departure from Derry years ago. He dreaded to think how Mary and Kathy would react on seeing each other but at least Michelle and Deirdre were safely far away in Dublin and Derry respectively...unless of course, the surprise James had received so far was not the only one to come.

Meanwhile, Mary and Gerry sat down in the sitting room, both struggling to process what they had just experienced.

“What the feck, Gerry?!” Mary hissed in hushed tones.

“Well, I know as much as you, Mary!” Gerry replied sardonically.

“Gerry, now is not the time to be cheeky! It’s him! It’s Kathy Maguire’s wee un! I should have known she was engaging in funny business with him! I mean, do you remember how much she was going on about him? By Christ, it’s a good job my da isn’t with us or he’d be raging!”

“Well on that last point I agree!”

“Oh, that wayward daughter of ours doesn’t know what’s coming!”

  
“Ok, Mary, we need to stay calm! We don’t know for sure why James is here, nor whether he’s been getting up to, as you say, ‘funny business’. There may be a perfectly good explanation! Besides, what good did jumping to conclusions and overreacting ever do us?”

Mary was shocked, but she couldn’t deny that Gerry had a point. She had many talents but they did not extend to handling awkward situations in a calm and measured way. “Well, I’d personally love to know why on the very weekend we’re visiting our daughter, a young lad is staying with her who we know attends a university the same distance away as Dublin is from Derry and who is the son of a girl I went to school with!”

“Ok, granted it’s a strange situation but that’s all the more reason to handle it sensitively!”

Before Mary could respond to her husband, James returned to the sitting room with the two promised cups of tea. “Here you go,” he said. “I’m sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I’m James, I’m a friend of Erin’s.” He exchanged a brief handshake with Mary, then Gerry.

“I’m Gerry and this is my wife Mary,” Gerry responded.

“It’s nice to meet you, son,” Mary added with an awkward smile.

“Erin’s talked about you quite a bit,” Gerry told James.

“Extensively,” Marry added.

“Look...I hope this doesn’t appear too rude, but Erin didn’t say you were visiting,” James said.

“Really?” Mary responded quizzically.

“She didn’t tell us she had guests either,” Gerry said.

“The house seems very quiet,” Mary observed.

“Erin’s housemates are all away for the weekend,” James explained. “But it does seem odd neither of us knew we’d be here at the same time.”

Suddenly, Erin’s voice was audible, as was the sound of her feet on the stairs: “Ok, James, I’m ready to leave now!” She opened the living room door and was more than a little shocked to see her parents sitting on the sofa, with James on the opposite side of the room. “Mammy! Daddy! What are you doing here?” She was incredulous and horrified in equal measure.

“Erin, we’ve just driven all the way from Derry to see you!” Mary said sharply.

“But I thought you were coming on the twenty-seventh!” Erin retorted.

  
“No, it was definitely the twentieth!” Mary insisted.

“Oh...yeah I think it was now you mention it,” Erin said. “Well, it’s nice to see you. I see you’ve met James.”

“Yeah, he made us both a cup of tea,” Mary replied. Erin threw James a brief look of gratitude for handling what must have been a rather awkward situation.

“Trust me to get the wrong date!” Erin said with a self-deprecating giggle.

“Did you have anything planned?” Gerry asked.

“Aye, we were going into Glasgow city centre,” Erin answered. 

“We were about to head off actually,” James added.

“You must be tired,” Erin remarked. “I guess you’ll want to take a brief nap after that journey.” She looked at both of her parents, hoping for an answer in the affirmative.

“No, we’d quite like to stretch our legs actually after all that time in the car,” Mary answered, to Erin’s disappointment.

“Ok sure, that’s fine!” Erin said quickly. “I’ll just need to get my purse. James, can you help me find it?”

James followed Erin up to her room where she shut the door. “For feck’s sake!” she hissed quietly. “This is a disaster! How could I make the mistake?”

“It’s ok! These things happen!” James replied, trying to reassure Erin.

“We can’t let your ma down! Last night you were telling me how excited she was to see us!”

“I can tell her that I got the weekends mixed up and told them to time their trip to Scotland for this week rather than next.”

  
“You mean you’d take the rap?” 

“Yes.”

“Oh, thank you! Christ, your ma would think I’m a right eejit!”

“No, she’d find the funny side I’m sure!”

“But how will our mammies react to seeing each other? It’s been over twenty years!”

  
“I don’t know! I know it’s a bit awkward but we’ll navigate it somehow!”

“Well, at least I’ve got you with me!”

“And I’ve got you with me!”

“Let’s face the music then!” James hugged Erin in an attempt to calm her nerves.

“Do you remember where you last had your purse?”

“It’s in my handbag! I made that up as an excuse to talk to you in private!”

“Quick thinking!”

“Come on, let’s see what becomes of this wee farce!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well done to Saurus whose guess was half-correct with Mary!


	10. Akwardness and a Thaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerry and Mary meet James and Erin's "friends".

“I can sense it, Gerry! She had that wee fella over for a clandestine rendezvous!” Mary seethed to Gerry as they sat in the living room waiting for James and Erin.

“We don’t know that! I suspect they’re just good friends!” Gerry protested.

“I’m not sure, Gerry. I’m really not sure!” Mary said coldly. “I should have known going abroad for college would be a mistake!”

“Mary, without wishing to be a traitor to the cause of Irish reunification, we’re not technically in a foreign country! We’ve only just met this fella and from first impressions, he seems like a nice lad!” 

“Aye, but it’s the quiet ones you have to look out for!”

“For feck’s sake, Mary! Just try to keep an open mind!” 

Mary huffed, deciding she’d reached the end of her repertoire, then James and Erin reappeared.

“Ready to head out?” Erin asked enthusiastically.

“Yes, definitely!” Gerry answered with more emphasis than he’d intended to create.

They boarded a bus into Glasgow city centre and headed towards the meeting point, where unbeknown to Mary and Gerry, Kathy and Paul would appear very shortly. Mary filled Erin in on the latest gossip from Derry, which for once did not involve a suspicious purchase of baked goods. James was amazed at how quickly gossip seemed to travel in Derry while Gerry sat back in his seat and stared at the ceiling, having heard the stories several times.  
When they reached the meeting point, they waited for a few minutes, during which time James and Erin both had knots in their stomachs, until Kathy and Paul finally materialised.

“James! How’s my big handsome boy?” Kathy gushed as she hugged James affectionately and left a conspicuous lipstick mark on his cheek. “Lovely to see you again, Erin!”

“Hi Mum, Paul,” James responded.

“Lovely to see you, James,” Paul said, “and lovely to meet you, Erin!”

“Likewise, and it’s nice to see you again, Kathy,” Erin said.

Mary and Gerry, whose presence Kathy had not yet registered, looked on incredulously, mouths agape. The “friends” to whom Erin was referring were in fact Kathy Maguire and her husband. Mary wasn’t sure whether that or the fact that Kathy appeared to be a doting mother, was a bigger shock. The more she thought about it, the more Kathy’s presence made sense given that Erin had described Kathy as having been receptive and welcoming just seven months ago. But nothing could have prepared Mary for the shock of seeing her old classmate again after so many years.

Gerry was the one to initiate contact while Kathy and Paul were far too engaged in talking to Erin and James. He cleared his throat. “Hello, Kathy,” he said tentatively.

Kathy quickly turned her head at the mention of her name and her eyes widened in shock. “Mary? Gerry?”

“Long time,” Mary said flatly.

Kathy turned to James with a slight frown on her face. “James, do you care to explain?” she asked.

“Yeah…” James stammered. “I got the dates mixed up and told you the wrong week to go to Scotland. Turns out this was the weekend Erin’s parents were coming.”

“Can you imagine the shock last night when James turned up on my doorstep? Not that I really minded, of course!” Erin added quickly.

“It’s not like you to get something like that wrong, James,” Paul commented sceptically.  
Mary and Gerry were also confused, having heard a different explanation less than an hour ago.

“Well, we’re here now!” Kathy said, trying to play down the awkwardness with limited success.

“Are you going to introduce us?” Mary asked.

“Paul Howman, I’m Kathy’s husband,” Paul said, introducing himself.

“Mary Quinn was McCool. I went to school with Kathy and I’m Erin’s ma, as James said.”

“I’m Gerry, Mary’s husband and Erin’s father,” Gerry added.

“Pleasure,” Paul said, shaking hands with Mary and Gerry.

“Why don’t we get some lunch?” Erin suggested. “I mean, Mammy and Daddy will be foundered after their long drive over from Derry and you must be a bit tired yourselves after your long journey down from the Highlands! That cafe over there is nice!” 

Erin, James, and the two pairs of adults - who did not expect to be seeing each other - proceeded to the cafe and claimed a table, then looked through the menu.

“James, love, would you be a good boy and order the food?” Kathy asked, “Why doesn’t Erin go with you?” James and Erin headed towards the counter where, judging by the length of the queue, they would be waiting for some time. Paul and Gerry began to talk about football and their respective favourite teams, leaving just the two women. “So, Mary, any craic?”

“Quite a bit since we last spoke,” Mary responded pointedly, “Got married, had two wee uns, my ma passed away. That’s the long and the short of it really. Yourself?”

“Moved to England, had a wee un, got married and both my parents passed away. Not that different from you, I suppose, the moving element and getting married later aside.”

“Aye, the life of a mammy.”

“It does feel surreal seeing you again like this, especially when it’s so unexpected.”

“Aye, and to top it off, your boy’s acquainted with our Erin! Funny old world!”

“You can say that again! She looks like you!” Kathy smiled as she looked towards James and Erin in the queue. They were laughing and smiling and could easily be mistaken for a couple. “It’s quite sweet really. It reminds me of when my friends and I would arrange playdates for our wee uns when they were wee nippers. The only difference now is that they’re twenty!”

“Aye, it’s definitely...interesting…” Mary said awkwardly.

“Look, Mary, you don’t need to explain.” 

“Explain what?”

“Mary, I know full well that you weren’t keen on me back in the day and I won’t lie, you had your reasons for thinking that. I suspect you’re concerned about my son being a bad influence on your daughter. Well, let me get things straight. I’m not especially proud about running away like I did but it was the right decision at the time and I don’t regret it one bit. I actually think I’ve done a decent job of raising my son to be a fine young man - credit to Paul too, who loves James as if he were his own biological child. All I ask is that you try not to judge James based on your perception of me because he is nothing like me at that age.”

Mary was stunned at Kathy’s honest admission of her past mistakes and robust defence of her son; as a mother herself, she couldn’t blame Kathy.

“Everything ok, ladies?” Paul asked, noticing the sudden silence between the women.

“Yes, fine!” Mary answered quickly.

“Just bragging about our boy,” Kathy added with a smile, “I was a bit of a wild one in my youth and I just wanted to make clear that James is not like that!”

“No, he’s a goody-two-shoes,” Paul expanded.

“Well, I got a good impression of him,” Gerry commented. “He seems very polite.”

“You’re too kind, Gerry!” Kathy beamed. “Similarly, your Erin’s a credit to you!”

Mary smiled as the tension began to finally thaw. James and Erin finally returned to the table and the food followed shortly after. James, Erin, and their respective degrees were the main topics of conversation, which helped Mary and Kathy keep away from more sensitive subjects. Mary could not deny that she was warming to Kathy’s son and he did seem like a decent young man. She even found herself re-evaluating whether Kathy deserved her reputation.

Paul and Gerry both went to buy a newspaper each from the nearby shop while James and Erin visited the toilets.

“Look, Kathy, I’m sorry I was a little quick to judge. I’m just a bit overprotective over Erin and I want her to keep her head down!”

“I understand, Mary. I’ve told James several times that his studies must come first!”

“I have to admit you’re a better mammy than I would have envisaged and I shouldn’t have made assumptions.”

“It doesn’t matter, Mary, that’s in the past now.

“They’re just friends, aren’t they?”

“Aye, but I must admit I wouldn’t mind if it did develop into something more, hypothetically speaking. Erin’s welcome at my house any time!”

“Your James is a nice lad. Similarly, he’s welcome at my house!”

“Hmm...that may be a bit awkward given my sister lives there and I hardly speak to her!”

“Well...if James wants to visit, he’s welcome to, that’s all.”

“Thanks, Mary, I appreciate that.”


	11. The Perks of Sharing a Small Tent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Erin take a little camping trip....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! 
> 
> Just so you know, I will focus on completing this fic first and then return to my "The Tale of the Wee English Fella" series :)
> 
> Enjoy!

James stared out of the train window at the Cumbrian countryside, which he had become well acquainted with after countless journeys up the West Coast Mainline to see Erin. It was fair to say his young persons' railcard had certainly proved its worth. The money from his part-time job as a student ambassador certainly came in useful; that could not be denied. The train began to slow down as it approached Penrith railway station; James retrieved his bag from the luggage rack and waited by the door. When he alighted, Erin was already waiting for him, having made her journey down from Glasgow.

“Hi,” James said.

“Hello,” Erin replied. They placed their bags down and hugged.

“How are you?” James asked.

“Glad that exams are over now! Looking forward to the summer break. How about you?”

“Much the same really! Looking forward to our little camping trip?”

“Yeah, definitely! Pity that my friends had to pull out but they’ll be the ones missing out on the craic!”

“I hope you’re not talking about drugs!”

“How many times, James! Craic has nothing to do with drugs! Though I will concede I have to use the term with care when outside Ireland. Don’t want to end up in a cell like my cousin Nuala!”

“Well, if you did, I’d visit you.”

“I’ll bear that in mind when considering whether to engage in criminal behaviour.”

“But you already killed a nun!”

“Shush, James! People may look at me funny!”

“Sorry...anyway, let’s head to Keswick!”

“I still can’t believe that’s how you pronounce it! Honestly, if I ever hear an English person complain about Irish place-names, I’ve got plenty of ammunition to hit back with!”

“Well, I for one am absolutely terrified,” James said ironically in a deadpan tone of voice.

“So you should be! And can we talk about how you’ve got a place called Rugby? I mean, who names a town after a sport?”

“The sport’s named after the town.”

“Oh really? Well, it’s still strange. Next you’ll be telling me there’s a place called Badminton!”

“There is.”

“Catch yourself on!”

“It’s in Gloucestershire and it’s where the sport’s named after.”

“Well, I will double-check that on a map when I’m home!” Erin lifted her head, trying not to let the fact that she’d gotten something wrong bother her. They walked to the bus stop and waited.

“Here it is,” James said as the Keswick bus appeared. They boarded the bus and took seats at the back.

“I quite like sitting at the back,” Erin commented.

“I know you do, but can you please try to avoid causing an argument?” James responded cheekily.

“That was Michelle’s fault and you know that!” Erin retorted while James grinned like an eejit at his hilarious joke. “Honestly, I thought you were a nice, sweet fella but you can be a real prick when you want to be.”

“I’m sorry!” James said quickly, panic visible on his face. “I didn’t mean to be nasty!”

“Sorry, I was just joking! You’re not a prick in the slightest! There’s nothing wrong with a bit of banter from time to time. Sometimes you need to balance the sweet with a bit of sour, or bitter.”

“Sometimes you want strawberry ice cream, other times you want a lemon sorbet.”

Erin burst out laughing. “I never thought a scientist could think up such an apt metaphor!”

“We can be creative! Look!” James pointed at the green route sign which stated the number of the road to Keswick: A66. “You can now say you’ve travelled on Route Sixty-Six!”

“You’re trying to make humour out of a road number? You should give up science and try your hand at stand up comedy!”

“Maybe I will if you promise to cast me in all of your shows when you’re a TV writer!”

“Dream on, James!”

They sat quietly as the bus made its way deeper into the Lake District. Erin looked out of the window, admiring the fells. “Not far now,” James said.

“It’s very beautiful. It reminds me of a trip we took to Lough Erne years ago. That’s a lovely place to go, about one and a half hours from Derry near a place called Enniskillen.”

The bus arrived in Keswick and James and Erin duly alighted. “Shall we buy some food?” James suggested.

“Aye, that would be sensible,” Erin answered.

They headed into a supermarket by the bus station. “Booths? Never heard of this chain!” Erin remarked.

“Me neither, I’ve never seen one!” James responded. They bought a few supplies and then headed out again.

“That was a bit pricey!” Erin grumbled. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t much cheaper than Waitrose,” James agreed.

“If that shop opened up in Derry it wouldn’t last five minutes! No one would be able to afford to shop there!”

“Well, we’re on holiday. We can treat ourselves a bit!”

“Is that your excuse for decadence, James?”

“Yes, it is. Anyway, let’s go to the campsite.”

They headed to the campsite, which was just outside of Keswick town, then checked in and pitched their tents.

“Fancy a walk?” James suggested, holding up an Ordnance Survey map. “It’s a lovely day for it.”

“Would be a shame not to,” Erin responded.

James and Erin made some sandwiches with the overpriced food from Booths and packed a small rucksack. “Are those your bright pink waterproof trousers?” James asked.

“Aye, my mammy got two for one. I’ve got Orla’s pair too if you want to borrow them? I bet you’d suit pink!”

“I’m not so sure, but ok!”

They headed up Cat Bells and were rewarded with a beautiful view of Derwent Water. “I’m just going to write some notes if that’s ok?” Erin said, pulling out her notebook. 

“Sure, I’ll take some photographs.” James proceeded to take a series of photographs then suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a woman of around forty years old smiling at him.

“Excuse me, young man, I hope this doesn’t come across as too intrusive but I just wondered if you’d like your photo taken with your girlfriend?” the woman offered.

“Oh...she’s not my girlfriend,” James explained awkwardly, “But sure...Erin! This lady’s offering to take our photo.”

“Grand,” Erin responded and walked over to stand next to James. She tentatively placed her arm around James, causing him to flinch initially, but he then reciprocated. The woman took a few photos then returned the camera to James.

“Thank you,” James said.

“Pleasure!” the woman replied and then walked off again.

After their walk, James and Erin cooked a small but simple meal on a disposable barbecue and enjoyed some beers that had spent most of the day in a cool bag.

“I’m quite tired,” James said with a yawn, “I think I may go to bed now.”

“Ok, I’ll do the same,” Erin responded. They both retired to their respective tents and closed the zips. James fell asleep fairly quickly while Erin was kept awake by the cold. She cursed Jim for lending her his worst quality tent, although to be fair, he did have his reasons for not lending her his decent one. After twenty minutes of trying to get herself warm, Erin decided there was only one option. She unzipped her sleeping bag and made her way over to James’s tent and opened it carefully.

“James!” she called out quietly but got no response. She tried again: “James!” Yet he continued to sleep, so Erin tried a more drastic approach. “James! Wake up you wee English fecker!” She shook his sleeping bag and all of a sudden, James awoke with a sudden jolt, as though he had been dreaming about falling. 

“Erin!” he groaned. “What’s the matter?”

“I know this is a bit awkward, but my tent is really shit, and I’m freezing. Is there any chance-”

“Of course, make yourself cosy,” James muttered, hoping he could go back to sleep again soon.

“Thanks, you’re a dote!” Erin retrieved her camping mat and sleeping bag and laid it down next to James. James’s tent was a little on the small side and it did feel a bit strange sharing such a small space with a boy she was neither related to nor going out with. But it was much warmer in this tent with James lying a few centimetres away, radiating body heat. He looked rather cute when asleep, so Erin had little reason to complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to explain: 
> 
> \- The A66 is a road in the north of England.
> 
> \- Waitrose is an upmarket chain of supermarkets in the UK as is Booths (though the latter is only found in the north of England).
> 
> \- Keswick is pronounced "Kezzick" and there are real places called Rugby and Badminton in England!


	12. Welcome to Derry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James visits Derry for the first time in eleven years...

“Thank you for driving, Orla,” Erin said as she and her cousin walked into the terminal building of Derry City Airport.

“Pleasure, Erin, you know how much I buzz off driving! Orla responded, “I just wish we had a motorway in Derry.”

“Why do you buzz off motorways so much?”

“They’re cracker! Traffic permitting, you can drive seventy miles an hour continuously in fifth gear for quite a long time! Though granted I have done that on the Glenshane Pass before.”

“Whatever you say...you petrolhead!”

“Well at least I’m not a dieselhead because diesel emits more nitrous oxides, though it does burn more efficiently than petrol. Swings and roundabouts with fuel, so it is.”

“I’ll remember that if I ever need to buy a car!”

“What time does your wee English fella’s flight get in again?”

“In about ten minutes according to that.” Erin pointed up at the arrivals board.

“Does he make a funny sound?”

“Not really, he just talks differently because he’s English.”

“But you said even people from Tyrone talk funny.”

  
“They do to be fair.”

Approximately fifteen minutes later, James emerged and walked over to Erin and Orla.

“Hi, Erin!” he said, greeting Erin brightly.

“Hi, James, welcome to Derry!” Erin replied, hugging her English friend. “This is my cousin Orla.”

“Hi, Orla, nice to meet you at last,” James said, holding out his hand.

“Have you washed your hands, James?” Orla asked suspiciously.

“For feck’s sake, Orla!” Erin snapped. “Just be polite and shake his hand!” Orla duly complied with Erin’s instruction while staring directly into James’s eyes.

“Has Erin told you about the cracker stuff we have here?” Orla asked as they began to walk towards the car.

“Oh yeah, she’s told me all about your city walls!” James replied with a chuckle.

“What about the wave machine at Lisnagelvin leisure centre?” Orla continued.

  
“No, she didn’t mention that,” James answered.

  
“Erin, why?” Orla gasped incredulously, her mouth agape. “That wave machine is absolutely class!”

“Yes, Orla, it is, but it’s hardly unique to Derry, is it?” Erin responded irritably. “I’m sure they wave machines in England.”

“We do, but I’m sure yours will be much better,” James said diplomatically, deciding not to mention that his local swimming pool had an excellent wave machine. Erin smiled at James, pleased that he had quickly worked out how to communicate with her somewhat obtuse and eccentric cousin. It made her even more fond of the nice English boy.

“See! He can’t wait to see it!” Orla said triumphantly, feeling vindicated.

They all climbed into the car and Orla started the engine. “Ok, select first gear, release the handbrake and then ease off the clutch!” she narrated.

James looked at Erin with a perplexed frown. “Sorry, Orla likes to give a running commentary when she’s driving,” Erin explained.

“Right, ok,” James said, still perplexed by Orla’s oddness. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect of her, but she did seem nice and friendly. Little did he know this would only be the first of many strange things he would encounter in Derry.

Orla drove out of the airport onto the main road towards Derry. “Causeway coastal route…” James said, reading out a brown road sign. “Is the Giant’s Causeway nearby?”

“About thirty miles away,” Orla answered, “Foreigners love the Giant’s Causeway!”

“Orla, don’t call my friend a foreigner! It’s rude!” Erin hissed.

“But he is though!” Orla protested.

“Yes, but it’s not polite to emphasise it like that!” Erin said sharply.

“Now this is the River Foyle,” Erin told James, “and this is the boundary between the Protestant Waterside and Catholic Cityside of Derry. We’re just entering the Cityside.”

“Nice bridge! Is it new?” James asked.

“It opened in 1984, so no that new. I can remember it opening, it was a big deal at the time,” Erin answered.

“Do you enjoy bridges, James?” Orla asked.

“We love bridges in London, we can’t get enough of them,” James replied.

“Which one’s your favourite?” Erin asked.

“That would have to be Tower Bridge, it’s iconic,” James answered.

“Is that the one that lifts up to let large ships through?” Orla asked “That’s so cracker! We’ve got a double-decker bridge here, it’s class!”

“Double-decker?” James said quizzically.

“Yes, you’ll see it in a minute,” Erin answered. “It’s called the Craigavon Bridge.”

“Once across the Foyle, Orla turned left down Culmore Road into the city centre past the previously discussed Craigavon Bridge, which James could not disagree was an impressive piece of engineering. He looked out of the window throughout the journey, not entirely sure what to make of this place that, while technically was where his roots lay, felt almost entirely alien, a feeling accentuated by the murals commemorating the hunger strikers and incessant tricolour flags. Against this backdrop, it felt odd that the street signs were the same as he was used to in England.

Orla turned into a narrow hilly street and parked up outside a row of houses.

“Welcome to our humble abode!” Erin said to James with a broad smile.

James, Erin and Orla all climbed out of the car. Erin unlocked the door to the small house then opened it before going inside. 

  
“We’re here!” Erin announced.

“Come in here, love!” Mary called down the hall. James was somewhat relieved that Mary was there as she was a familiar face, so he wouldn’t be surrounded by strangers apart from Erin.

Erin proceeded to the kitchen with Orla and James following her. Sarah was filing her nails, Gerry was listening to Anna reading, Joe was watching the TV and Mary was folding the washing.

“Erin!” Sarah gasped. “Is this the wee gay fella you were talking about?”

“No, Aunt Sarah! He’s not gay!” Erin huffed.

“I’m James,” the English boy said, introducing himself. “Erin said you used to know my mum.”

“Hello, James, nice to see you again,” Mary said. “He’s Kathy’s wee un, Sarah.”

“Likewise, nice to welcome you here,” Gerry said.

Joe stood up and walked over to the newly arrived guest. “Hello there, boy!” he said with a slight sneer.

“Erm, hello, Mr…” James said, trying to recall Joe’s surname.

“Bean,” Joe said with a stony face that James did not want to laugh at.

“Mr Bean, of course, hello,” James said awkwardly.

“Da, cut that out!” Mary snapped.

“By Christ you daft limey, you didn’t really think my name was Mr Bean did you?” Joe barked, before bursting out laughing.

“Well, I thought it began with the letter M but I didn’t want to say anything,” James stammered.

“You were right, Gerry, he has got good manners,” Joe said, feeling slightly annoyed that his son-in-law had gotten something right. “Whiskey, son?”

“Joe, it’s two in the afternoon!” Gerry pointed out.

“What’s your point?” Joe huffed, “Free State lightweight!”

“Anna, say hello to James,” Erin instructed, “He’s come from far away.”

“Wise up, Erin, he’s from England, not fecking Australia!” Anna said tartly with a surprising amount of attitude for a six-year-old.

“Anna! Language!” Gerry snapped.

“I’ll give you language, boy!” Joe barked.

  
“You’re right, Anna, we don’t have interesting animals in England,” James said.

“You’re funny!” Anna giggled.

“A ringing endorsement,” Gerry remarked.

  
“The very one I was after,” James quickly responded.

The doorbell ring and Orla went to answer it, returning with Clare.

“Clare, this is my friend James,” Erin said.

“From England, right?” Clare asked.

“That’s right,” James confirmed, his accent answering Clare’s questions.

“Oh, cool!” Clare said quickly. “James, I just want you to be assured that I’m absolutely, fully on board with Erin having you as a friend. I mean, what does it matter that you’re English? I can’t get enough of all things English. My ma has some cutlery that was made in Sheffield!” Clare grinned manically, freaking James out a bit.

“Well, I am glad you approve of my countrymen,” James said, shaking Clare’s hand.

The doorbell rang again and as before, Orla went to answer it. As soon as the door opened, the identity of the visitor immediately became clear by her voice: “Motherfuckers!”

James quickly turned his head to Erin. “Is that…”

“Yes, it’s Michelle,” Erin confirmed, feeling somewhat nervous as she had not told Michelle about James visiting and had not thought about how to introduce them.

Michelle followed Orla into the living room. “So what’s the cr…” she began, then stopped when she registered the sight of a curly-haired English boy. “James?”

“Hello, Michelle,” James replied.

  
Michelle turned to Erin, rising anger evident in her narrowed eyes. “What the actual fuck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm leaving it there because I'm cruel like that...


	13. A Wee Bit of Drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The follow up to last chapter's cliffhanger...

Michelle turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, down the hall and out of the house.

“Feck!” Erin huffed, “I’d better go after her!” She darted out in pursuit of her friend.

“She didn’t tell Michelle I was coming, did she?” James asked.

“Well, I didn’t know you were coming so she must have decided to keep it a surprise,” Clare told James quickly, still sporting a slightly neurotic grin. 

“Oh god...sorry, I didn’t want to come here to cause trouble,” James sadly.

“Oh don’t be sad, James!” Clare piped up anxiously. “It’s nice to meet you, James, it really is.”

“Aye, Erin talks about you all the time, so she does,” Orla mumbled.

“Does she?” James asked, blushing slightly.

“Tell me about it!” Joe grumbled. “Anyone would think she’d met Robbie Williams!”

  
“Don’t worry, son, there’s always a drama of some sort around here and it’s usually over something really trivial that gets forgotten about within a day or two,” Gerry said, trying to be encouraging. 

“Gerry, I hope you aren’t talking about the wee docket incident!” Mary said sharply.

“Or the raid on the Christmas cupboard,” Sarah added. “By Christ, that was a scandal so it was. I feel sad just thinking about it, to be honest, Mary.”

“My offer of whiskey still stands, son,” Joe said, making the effort to be friendly.

James smiled. “That would be lovely, thank you.”

“Grand, I’ll get the glasses,” Joe responded with a smile.

Meanwhile, Erin was desperately trying to talk to Michelle, which was proving difficult.

“Michelle! Just talk to me! I can explain!” Erin pleaded.

Michelle turned around sporting an incredulous look. “Explain?” she scoffed. “What’s there to explain? As far as I can see you’ve brought my prick of a cousin here! Christ, riding him-”

“I’m not riding him, he’s just my friend!” 

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, riding him is one thing but bringing him here without having the decency to tell me beforehand is in a league of its own! By Christ, Erin, I thought we were friends!”

“Ok, I admit, I should have talked to you first but I was too scared! I know that’s a pathetic excuse but it’s true!”

“It is a pathetic excuse! He’s no good, Erin! He’s my Aunt Kathy’s wee un! The apple never falls from the tree after all!”

“Now that is out of order, Michelle!” Erin yelled. “I don’t give a rat’s arse about your family grudges. James is a very good friend of mine, and I don’t give a flying fuck about the fact that he’s English because he’s a lovely fella! He’s an absolute dote, a total gent, and I’m going to show him my home town!”

“Ok, fine, but don’t expect me to play happy families!”

  
“I’m not expecting you to, I’d just appreciate it if you’d make an effort when I’ve got a guest!”

Michelle rolled her eyes and reluctantly followed Erin back to the Quinn house. 

“Hello,” Erin said as she and Michelle returned to the living room. “I’d like to apologise for that wee drama!”

“I’m not sure it was wee, Erin, the way Michelle stormed out was pretty spectacular,” Orla commented. “I wish I’d had popcorn to watch it.”

“Not helpful, Orla!” Clare snapped, while James shuddered slightly.

“Why don’t you all go into town for a wee coffee?” Mary suggested, trying to end the bickering. “Christ, you’ll melt my head!”

“But don’t go near Pump Street, son,” Sarah said to James whimsically.

“Any reason why?” James asked innocently.

  
“Aye, you don’t wanna know,” Orla said in a slightly creepy and sinister. Though James had only met Orla an hour ago, he felt he was getting to know her fairly quickly.

“Wise up!” Erin scoffed. “Pump Street’s hardly a barren wasteland of depravity and moral decay!”

“No, but while we’re on the subject, don’t go sneaking away to Belfast with the wee fella!” Joe growled.

  
  


“We won’t, Granda!” Erin protested.

“Aye, if we got the next bus we’d get stuck in the rush hour traffic and that wouldn’t be any craic,” Orla added.

James and the four girls headed into the city centre while Erin acted as a tour guide for James, pointing out various landmarks such as Fionnuala’s chippy and Dennis’s wee shop.

“This is where we like to hang out,” Erin told James as they reached Barry’s Cafe.

“Nice,” James remarked, nodding his head in appreciation.

They all sat down and each bought a cup of coffee.

“It’s good coffee,” James commented.

“You don’t have to be polite, we know it won’t be the fancy stuff you’re used to!” Michelle sneered. “English prick!”

  
“Can I not just make an innocuous comment?” James mumbled, a little tired of Michelle’s negativity.

“Not with big words like that!” Michelle growled.

  
  


“Ignore her, James,” Clare said to James.

“You’re my guest, James, and I intend to treat you as such,” Erin said proudly.

“Thank you,“ James responded, exchanging a smile with Erin and Clare; the frosty reception from Michelle notwithstanding, Erin’s friends and family seemed to be nice people.

“Doses,” Michelle muttered.

“Look, Michelle, I am here because Erin invited me and I wanted to see where she grew up. And where my mum grew up, for that matter. I know my mum isn’t exactly a local heroine here but that doesn’t mean we can’t at least try to get on!” James said calmly but firmly.

  
  


“Ok, whatever,” Michelle muttered in a low voice, realising that her cousin may have a point, then remained silent.

“So, Erin, are you going to show me these walls?” James asked with a goofy smile.

“He may not be into walls, Erin, not everyone is,” Orla remarked.

“I’m all for walls if something is interesting about them,” James clarified. 

“Is that an attempt at humour?” Michelle groaned, albeit not in a sarky manner.

“No, but Erin keeps trying to persuade me to have a go at being a comedian so she can cast me in her TV show....when she writes it,” James joked with a friendly wink in Erin’s direction.

“That’s right, I’m thinking of writing a show that features a dopey English fella and James would fit the bill perfectly,” Erin said drily.

Michelle smiled furtively while sipping her coffee. She couldn’t deny the fact that James seemed to be getting on with her friends very well and was actually rather charmingly and friendly - annoyingly so. If he had been unpleasant and obnoxious, it would be much easier to dislike him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Let me know what you think of Erin's handling of the situation and Michelle's reaction...


	14. Appreciation of Fine Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls introduce James to Derry's most famous landmark and meet a notorious figure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter this time - enjoy!

“So what do you think of our walls?” Erin asked James as they walked atop the famous structures.

“They are very fine walls,” James responded, genuine in his praise. “The views are pretty impressive.”

“You must be delighted, Erin. You’ve finally met someone with a mutual passion for walls!” Michelle commented with derision.

“I don’t ‘buzz off’ walls, as you say around here, Michelle!” James retorted, making air quotes as he used the famous Derry slang, which made Erin smile furtively with pride. “I just think they’re impressive and if they’ve never been breached then they’ve served their purpose well. Who couldn’t be impressed by them?”

“Well, I don’t know if Erin told you about this girl from Ukraine who came here and wasn’t taken by them-” Clare began.

“Clare, we don’t talk about Katya!” Erin said sharply.

“Aye, Katya was this wee vampire from Transylvania who got together with the fella Erin had a crush on,” Orla told James. “You should have seen what she wrote about him in her diary!”

“Orla! James doesn’t want to hear all about David and I don’t want to talk about him!” Erin snapped, partly because she didn’t like to talk about David and partly because she didn’t want James to think she had a crush on another boy.

“Ok, Erin, don’t get your knickers in a twist!” Michelle huffed.

“That makes no sense, Michelle,” Orla pointed out, “She can’t twist her knickers when she’s wearing them. Unless, of course, you’re talking about a pair of knickers that Erin’s not wearing.”

“Don’t talk about knickers!” Clare squeaked. “We have a boy among us!”

“Wise up, Clare, James probably doesn’t know what knickers are! Everyone knows the English are a nation of prudes!” Michelle retorted.

“Well, Michelle, the French are a nation of passionate people so to counteract that, we’re a nation of shy and reserved people,” James bit back with an annoying level of politeness. 

Erin giggled. “Oh, James, with that sharp wit I can tell you’re related to Michelle!”

“Please, Erin, not in public!” Michelle growled.

“Hello, girls,” a low female voice said. The four girls, plus their English guest, turned around suddenly.”

“Hello, Sister Michael,” the girls all said.

“What are you doing, girls?” the nun asked coldly.

“Sister, as we are no longer students of Our Lady Immaculate College, I do not think that is any concern of yours as you hold no authority over us any more,” Erin responded, trying to sound confident and defiant when in actual fact she came across as defensive, reflecting the residual fear of her former headmistress.

Sister Michael simply laughed, which was a disturbing sight. “Miss Quinn, you should know by now that the authority of a nun is valid in perpetuity,” the nun said sternly, then fixed her gaze on the English boy, though the nun was not yet privy to his nationality. “I knew it, you’ve tried to kidnap a Protestant boy from Coleraine! Don’t think I don’t remember your behaviour at the cross-community outdoor pursuits weekend in Limavady, Miss Mallon and Miss Quinn!”

“I’m not a Protestant!” James blurted out. “I went to a Catholic school! Mainly because it was the best one in the area but all the same!”

“Wise up, Sister, as if we’d kidnap him! He’s English and my cousin!” Michelle scoffed.

“Miss Mallon! With that insolence, I can tell you’ve been in Dublin too long drinking Guinness with American tourists!” Sister Michael snapped.

“It’s cracker, Sister, it’s like we’ve got our own wee Hugh Grant,” Orla said.

“I met him when I visited London,” Erin elaborated.

“His ma’s Kathy Maguire!” Clare piped up suddenly, earning angry looks from James, Erin and Michelle.

“Kathy Maguire?” Sister Michael said quizzically.

“Did you know her?” James asked.

“Yes,” Sister Michael responded disdainfully. “Just be careful, girls, that’s all I’ll say.”

“Of course, Sister, and we’ll remember that your authority still applies!” Clare said with a little bit too much enthusiasm.

“Nobody likes a suck-up to authority, Miss Devlin, you should know that by now,” Sister Michael said drily, before walking away.

“What just happened there?” James asked. “I’m confused.”

“Trust me, it’s better that way,” Erin told James.

“Aye, confusion is the acknowledgement that we humans are insignificant in this universe,” Orla said philosophically.

“I’d better go. Mammy said I need to be back in twenty minutes,” Clare said anxiously.

“Aye, I have to practise my step aerobics,” Orla added.

“See you later,” James said before Clare and Orla left. “So, where to next?” 

“James, just give us one minute,” Michelle said, surprisingly politely. Erin and Michelle walked along the wall until they were sure James would be out of earshot.

“What is it, Michelle?” Erin asked, somewhat suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this fic is turning out much longer than I thought it would (isn't that always the way?) but I will resume my Tale of the Wee English Fella soon :)
> 
> Thank you so much to all my regular readers!


	15. Reintroducing the Wee English Fella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michelle talks to Erin and some developments occur...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you - a longer one than the last one.

“It concerns James,” Michelle said.

“I should have suspected it! You know something about James! He’s not what I thought he was!” Erin snapped.

“Erin, what are you on?”

“Well...Sister Michael just said to be wary of James and maybe she’s got a point!”

“Wise up, Erin! He may be English and have an annoying accent and granted I’m not the best judge of character but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I mean, just look at him! He’s like a humanised teddy bear or something!”

Erin looked towards James, standing patiently with his hands in his pockets. Even from a distance, he was attractive: something Erin had not previously realised. She turned back towards Michelle. “But they say it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for!”

“Erin, you need to calm the fuck down! Anyway, that’s not the reason I wanted to talk to you.”

“What is it then?”

“We need to introduce James to Mammy!” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Ok, re-introduce him I suppose. But Mammy will want to see James if he’s here.”

“Really? I thought you had nothing to do with him and Kathy. To be honest, that was why I didn’t think bringing James here would be such a problem.”

“Well, generally yes, we don’t have much to do with them but Mammy used to worry about them and whether Kathy was capable of raising a wee un. I mean, we haven’t seen them for eleven years and we only hear from them about once a year.”

“Well...he seems to have turned out all right. He goes to a good college and studies hard...I’d say he’s pretty respectable.”

“Yes, and Mammy will want to see for herself that he’s doing well and is, as you say, respectable.”

“Respectable...just checking I’m not hallucinating and that you are actually complimenting your cousin.”

“Ok, Erin, no need to go on.”

“I’m so sorry, Michelle, I shouldn’t have been so naive to think I could just disregard the fact that you’re related to him.”

“Well, let me tell you something…It never really felt right being estranged from my family like that. I mean, I only ever heard one side of the story and there’s probably more to it than that.

“This is unexpected.”

“I’ve been thinking that perhaps I should make an effort to get to know James. I mean...perhaps he’s actually a sound fella. I’ll never find out unless I try.”

“Well, how do you want to go about this?”

“Let’s take him over now but not tell him where we’re going.”

“Ok, good plan. James! Come over here!”

James duly walked over, smiling broadly for no apparent reason.

“Everything ok?” the boy asked.

“It’s grand,” Michelle answered succinctly.

  
“We have a surprise for you!” Erin told James.

“We can’t say what type, but you’ll find out soon!” Michelle replied.

“How intriguing...Are you going to blindfold me?” James inquired.

“No, that would look suspicious around here,” Erin responded. “I don’t want people thinking I’m kidnapping a wee fella!”

“I have much to learn,” James said nervously.

“Come on, dicko,” Michelle urged. “Sorry.”

“Michelle and Erin led James back towards the estate, making conversation with him in an attempt to make him forget about the surprise.

“Ok, here we are,” Michelle announced when they arrived at the Mallon house.

“Your house...I sort of recognise it...Wait, you’re introducing me to Auntie Deirdre?” James asked, panic evident on his face.

“Aye, it’ll be nice,” Michelle answered.

James turned to Erin, still panicked. “Erin?”

Erin sighed. “Look, James. I haven’t handled this desperately well but...please? I’ll be here, right beside you! Deirdre will want to meet her big handsome nephew!”

“Really, Erin?” Michelle said sceptically.

“Ok,” James sighed with trepidation.

Michelle opened the door and led James and Erin inside. “Hello, Mammy!” she called out as she headed to the kitchen where Deirdre was washing up a cup over the sink, meaning she had not registered there were two other people besides her daughter. 

Deirdre began to turn around. “Hello Michelle....oh, hello, Erin...I’m sorry, who is this?” she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“It’s your nephew James. He’s here visiting me and I didn’t tell anyone he was coming. I’m sorry, I kind of screwed up,” Erin explained apologetically.

“Right...well, it’s nice to see you, James,” Deirdre muttered. “You’ve grown a bit.”

“I suppose I have,” James conceded.

“That’s what wee uns do, Mammy, they grow,” Michelle grumbled.

“Very funny, Michelle,” Deirdre said coldly, “How’s my sister?”   
  


“She’s fine, business is going well and she’s pretty happy with life. “She said to say hello if I saw you,” James said.

“How kind of her...I’m surprised she let you come here,” Deirdre said cynically, failing to conceal her disdain for her sister.

“She wasn’t too bothered about it. She told me to stick by Erin as much as possible,” James said.

“I thought as much,” Deirdre muttered. “How are you anyway? College going ok?”

“Yeah, it’s good thanks though Mum misses me and wishes I’d gone to a uni closer to home. But we try to see each other plenty and she calls a lot,” James told Deirdre.

“But he’s not far by train from me which is nice,” Erin added. “It’s funny how things work out.”

“I can’t disagree with that,” Michelle mumbled.

“Just so I’m clear, Erin, you didn’t tell anyone James was coming?” Deirdre queried.

“Apart from my own family, no. I’m sorry, Deirdre, none of us figured out how to broach the subject,” Erin explained nervously.

“And there I was thinking the English were the masters of awkwardness,” James joked, earning an eye roll from the three Irish women.”

“So, you’re staying with the Quinns then, James?” Deirdre asked.

“Yes, Erin’s given up her room and crashing with Orla,” James answered.

“I tried to persuade Mammy to let me share a room with him but she wouldn’t be reasoned with!” Erin said.

“James, would you like to come for dinner tomorrow night?” Deirdre offered.

“Oh...thank you, that would be lovely...it’ll be nice to catch up,” James answered with a pleasant smile.

“Do you have any dietary requirements?” Deirdre asked.

“I’m fairly flexible but I don’t like anything greasy,” James answered.

“Ok...Erin, can I borrow your ma’s lasagne dish?” Deirdre asked.

“Sure, we’ll bring it over,” Erin answered.

“Grand,” Deirdre said with a smile.

“Mammy, we’re getting a pizza then seeing American Pie at the cinema. I’ll be back later,” Michelle informed her mother. 

“Ok, well have fun, wee uns. I’ll see you tomorrow, James,” Deirdre said.

“I look forward to it,” James responded with an enthusiastic smile.

The three young people left and Deirdre picked up her recently-purchased cordless phone then punched in a number that she rarely dialled. She sat down as she waited for a voice at the other end.

“Hello, it’s Kathy.” Deirdre covered her mouth to suppress a giggle at her sister’s pretentious accent.

“Kathy, it’s me.”

“Oh...hello. I can’t remember the last time I spoke to you on a day the banks are open.”

“Me neither.”

“So, what can I do for you?” 

“Ever the businesswoman, aren’t you?”

“Well, yes, that’s what I do for a living.”

“I just saw your James for the first time in eleven years.”

“Oh...well, I thought you would do. I guess this is the part where you rage at me for not calling you.”

“I could do that but what good would that do? Anyway, it was nice to see him and he seems a very polite young lad.”

“Thank you...I think.”

“Credit to you for raising him well. I wish Michelle had better manners. By Christ, she’s a handful.”

“I know, I’ve heard the stories! They kept me entertained for ages!” 

“Oh, Christ! What did I do to deserve such a hallion as a wee un?”

“Shake me if I’m dreaming but I think we’re having a reasonably cordial and adult conversation.”

“Aye, it is a bit weird.”

“Almost as weird as my son befriending a Derry girl.”

“And me not knowing my nephew was coming!”

Kathy sighed. “Deirdre, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She paused. “I just feel uneasy when talking about Derry. I know it’s uncharitable and condescending to talk about my home town in that way but you know as well as I do that I’d have been a pariah as a single mother and staying wasn’t an option. When I found out I was pregnant I knew I didn’t want my wee un to grow up in such a divided place...I can’t think of a diplomatic way to say this but I just wanted him to have a better childhood than me.”

  
“I understand that.”

“Funny how my boy ended up drawn to Derry, really! It’s a strange world.”

“Look, Kathy, I’d better go but...let’s talk again sometime.”

“Ok, bye, Deirdre.”


	16. The Wee English Fella's Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James reports back to Kathy after his trip to Derry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to update this fic and my other one in parallel - enjoy this latest helping!

After landing at Gatwick, James proceeded to the arrivals lounge where, to his surprise, Kathy was waiting for him with her characteristic grin.

“Mum?” James said quizzically.

“Yes, James, I am your mother. I know you don’t remember your birth but I do. By Christ, it took me ages to get rid of those stretch marks!” Kathy responded teasingly.

“I can’t apologise enough…” James responded sarcastically. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect you to meet me here.”

“Well, I was so bored doing my tax return and I needed to get out of the house and it just so happened to coincide with the day my big handsome boy returns from his travels!”

“My travels? I’ve only been to Derry for five days! It’s not as if I’ve spent a month in Vietnam!”

“Well no, Derry is not like Vietnam that’s for sure...not that I’ve ever been to Vietnam but I expect the food is better there than in Derry. Speaking of which, do you want to try the new Vietnamese restaurant in Muswell Hill? I’ve heard it’s fantastic!”

“We could go for Paul’s birthday?”

“Excellent idea! So clever, you must get that from me!”

“How do you know I don’t get it from Dad?” James smirked.

“Oh, believe me, you don’t. Anyway, what’s the craic? I want to hear all about it!”

“Well, you know that Erin didn’t tell anyone I was coming apart from her family?”

“Oh aye, you said so on the phone. Honestly, I didn’t raise you to be a troublemaker!”

“I wasn’t trying to cause trouble! Erin just decided it would be better that way.!

“Well, you should be pleased that she kept you as a surprise! I bet you rather enjoyed being the man of mystery!”

“She reasoned that Michelle would have gone nuts before I came and remained nuts after I arrived so waiting until I got there reduced the time Michelle spent in a crazy state.”

“Oh, that Erin’s a clever one, I knew it!”

“Yeah, she sure is…”

“So, what did you make of mammy’s home town?”

“I don’t know how to describe it really. It’s just nothing like anywhere I’ve been before. I mean, you can tell it’s a bit down at heel but there’s something rather endearing about the sense of community there and the way everyone seems to know each other.”

“Aye, everyone knows each other...that’s one of the reasons I left. I just couldn’t get any privacy there or keep anything to myself! I’m glad you had a good time there but also think I made the right decision not bringing you up there. For one thing, I wouldn’t have an English wee un or my own wee Colin Firth!”

“Funny you mention Colin Firth. Erin’s cousin Orla likened me to Hugh Grant!”

“Is she Sarah’s girl?”

“Yes, she is. Lovely but a bit eccentric.”

“Aye, she must take after her mother. But there you go! Everyone can see that you’re an English gentleman! You’d have never become one of those growing up on the estate I grew up on, trust me.”

“It was quite nice to see Michelle and Auntie Deirdre too. Michelle teased me a lot but not in an excessively nasty way. I didn’t expect Auntie Deirdre to be so receptive to me.”

“She phoned me and said what a delight you were to have around for dinner. Not that it was a surprise to hear of course but it was satisfying to hear my sister say something positive for once!”

“Oh, you spoke to her?”

“Yes, and strangely I didn’t feel the need to drink a large glass of wine and eat a large slab of Dairy Milk afterwards which was a good thing because I need to watch my waistline!”

“Mum, you’ve got a smaller waistline than Dolly Parton!”

“Oh love, you’re such a dote! You know how I love a bit of Dolly! No girls are safe from your charm! But seriously, I think you may have brought about a thaw in the long-running Maguire family tension!”

“Really? Seems a bit ironic for me as an Englishman to bring peace to Ireland, albeit a very tiny part of it.”

“I know, love, but clearly, you underestimate what you are capable of! You’ll have to get a job as a peace envoy for the United Nations!”

“I’m not sure my diplomacy skills are that good!”

“You never know! Anyway, that’s enough with the politics! Did you enjoy spending time with Erin?”

“Yes, very much so. It annoyed her that I kept getting up early so she couldn’t bring me a cup of tea in the morning so after that, I deliberately lay in bed longer to give her the chance. She appreciated it but it did mean I had to wait a long time for a cup of tea.”

“Now that is adorable! You two are such a pair of cute dorks!”

“Mum, we’re not a couple!”

“I know, and what a great shame that is!”

“Maybe so, but it would be difficult to sustain a relationship when we don’t live that close by and we’re busy with work and study but who knows what the future holds?”

“Indeed, who knows?” Kathy said with a knowing grin, which annoyed James intensely.

“I did some gardening for Mary and she was really grateful for it.”

“Oh did you? I bet she appreciated your gift for gardening! If you’re not careful she’ll invite you back and before you know it all the Derry mammies will be wanting to use your services!”

“I could set up a business. My strapline could be ‘I may be English, but I’m cheap.'”

“Oh god no, sounds like something you’d read in an advertisement for a prostitute!”

“You sound rather knowledgeable about that subject!”

“Oi! Don’t be cheeky! I know I’ve never used the wooden spoon before but it’s never too late to start!”

“Oo-er...I’d better retreat! Anyway, I should buy some biscuits as a thank you to the family for their hospitality.”

“Excellent idea! I’m so glad you’ve got good manners, James. You’d be surprised at how many wee uns don’t! Anyway, let’s go home. Paul’s cooking tonight!”


	17. Categories of Winks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James travels up to Glasgow to see Erin and a lot of winking happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is the final chapter!

James looked out of the train window as it crossed the border into Scotland. Now university finals were over, there was no looming prospect of lectures on Monday or a fresh essay deadline and he was looking forward to a summer of freedom before the start of his working life. He enjoyed the sight of the sun shining on the hills. His small suitcase lay on the luggage rack containing, among other things, his carefully folded up dinner jacket and his smart shoes.

Before James knew it, the train was slowing down into Glasgow Central - a place James had come to know well. After picking up his suitcase, he alighted from the train where Erin was already waiting by the door, wearing a summery dress.

“Look at that! You knew exactly where to stand to greet me!” James said with a smile.

“Aye, I asked the station manager where your carriage was going to stop and he told me. I said I was meeting a nice wee English fella!” Erin responded enthusiastically.

“Well, that’s dedication!” James chuckled.

“I know, but I thought you deserved a proper welcome after agreeing to come to the end of year ball with me.”

“The pleasure is all mine, my dear.”

“My dear? This is becoming like a period drama!”

“You like period dramas though, don’t you?”

“Aye, I do actually be fair. Anyway, where’s my hug?” James duly hugged Erin and, feeling brave, placed a light kiss on her cheek.

James stood back and panicked when he realised what he’d done. “Oh sorry...it was just supposed to be a friendly kiss!” he stuttered defensively.

“If it’s good enough for the French, it’s good enough for us!” Erin said smoothly with a wink that James was not sure whether to categorise as friendly or flirtatious.

“Well, good to know I’m in the clear,” James said, sighing with relief.

“When did I say you were in the clear?” Erin asked, faking sternness then breaking out into hysterics when James panicked yet again.

“Erin, that’s cruel!”

“You’re far too easy to tease, James!” Erin giggled. “I’m surprised given I’ve seen the stick you get from your ma!”

“She’s always thinking up some new repertoire and I believe you’re the same! It must be a Derry girl thing!”

“Well, you can never have too many Derry girls in your life!”

“I certainly got more than I bargained for!”

“As they say, if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!”

“Sorry?”

“You know the Spice Girls song, right? Well, I was just speaking figuratively...obviously!”

“Well, I didn’t only get what I gave! The New Radicals were wrong!”

“What do you mean, James?”

“I mean that by making friends with you, I ended up getting to know your friends and getting reacquainted with my family, almost by accident!”

Erin laughed. “Aye, that’s one way of looking at it!”

“I really appreciate you inviting me up for this. I’ve been looking forward to this for ages!”

“Me too! How could I not invite one of my best friends for a bit of craic? Especially when we had all that fun at the Halloween party!”

“That was fun and you made a really convincing Britney Spears with your old school uniform! I’m still disappointed no one knew I was Doctor Who!”

“There had to be some purpose of having my old school uniform around. Mammy was right to tell me to keep it! Aye, that was a shame but I loved that wee scarf. That was adorable!”

“I haven’t brought it tonight because it’s June!”

“Sounds sensible!

That evening, James temporarily commandeered the bathroom to change into his dinner jacket then proceeded downstairs to wait for Erin, who appeared about five minutes later in a simple yet stunning turquoise dress.

“Wow,” James whispered.

“Oh dear, have I made the wee English fella lose his faculties?” Erin teased.

“I think that ship sailed long ago,” James murmured. “But seriously, you look stunning. Not that I’m surprised of course-”

“Concise compliments are best, James,” Erin chuckled, cutting James off but not in a nasty way.

“Sorry,” James said shyly.

“Anyway, you don’t scrub up too badly yourself,” Erin commented, admiring James in his dinner jacket, which made him look a bit like James Bond. His hair had been styled to look slick with the use of a mousse from the Hair and Flair men’s range.

“I like to make the effort when in the company of a beautiful lady,” James responded with a wink that, had it been witnessed by Mary Quinn, would have triggered an intense interrogation. “Honestly, what are we like?”

“Trying to be sophisticated but ending up looking like doses! Let’s go, my friends will be waiting.”

James and Erin walked through two streets to the house of Erin’s friends, all of whom remembered James by a series of nicknames, including “The Wee English Fella”, “Robot Boy”, and “Spike”. They all piled into taxis and headed to the venue of the ball.

A few hours later, James came back from the toilet to find Erin finishing off a glass of wine.

“You ok?” James asked.

“Aye, just a bit tired,” Erin answered with a yawn.

“We can go out for some fresh air if you want?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

They headed outside and gazed into the night sky.

“Been a great night, hasn’t it?” James said.

“Absolutely cracker!” Erin confirmed.

“It’s funny to think that I’m only here with you because you happened to be on a tour that I was running.”

“Aye, it’s mental. It’s almost as if it was meant to be. I mean, what were the chances of me running into a lad whose ma went to school with my ma! No matter how many times I tell the story it’ll never get any less remarkable!”

“It’ll be an interesting story to tell…”

“Tell whom?” Erin smirked.

“Anyone who wants to hear it...and I hope we stay in touch.”

“Me too, James. You know, I sort of wish I’d met you sooner.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. You’re a cracker fella, James.”

“Thank you, you’re pretty cracker yourself, Erin.”

“Your ma will be so proud of you for using Derry slang!”

“I’m embracing my heritage!”

“You know, it’s interesting how you’ve got a job lined up in the same city as where I’ve got a PhD place.”

“I know, we seem to encounter a lot of coincidences!”

“We?”

“Yes. You. Me. Us.”

“Glad to hear you know your pronouns!” They burst out into childish laughter.

“Anyway, Erin, I wanted to talk about that kiss earlier.”

“Aye, it was rather bold and a bit out of the blue but that was an impressive show of confidence!”

“I’m glad you think so. So, let me explain.”

“I’m all ears!”

“Well, Erin, I think of you as a really good friend but I’ve been thinking about how it would be nice if we became...more than that.” 

“I’m sorry, James, you’ll have to elaborate a bit on that.” Erin giggled, although she knew exactly what James meant but saw no reason not to enjoy a bit of teasing at this exceptionally lovely boy’s expense.

“Erin, I really like you and that, coupled with the fact that we’ve got a sort of...connection and we’re moving to the same city...it just feels like a sign.”

“A sign, you say? Well, where is this sign pointing?”

“It’s pointing to me asking you if you’ll go out with me.”

“I was waiting for you to get there! I was wondering how long it would take you!”

“I know it’s a bit out of the blue but take your time if you need to think about it.”

“Why would I need to think about it? I mean, when I first met you I thought you were very cute and charming and I always thought you were boyfriend material and now we’re moving to the same city we know it has a good chance of working!” Erin smiled affectionately at the nervous English boy standing next to her.

“So...is that a yes?”

“It’s an aye,” Erin responded with a categorically flirtatious wink.

“Well, that’s good enough for me!”

“So, we’re a couple now then! I’ve got a handsome wee English fella!”

“And I’ve got a beautiful Derry girl!”

“You won’t need to sleep on the camping mat now. That bed is big enough for two!”

“This night just gets better and better!”

Regaining his earlier confidence, James moved closer and slowly opened his mouth while Erin did the same, Before either of the two lovestruck eejits knew it, they were kissing passionately, which they continued for what felt like ten minutes.

“Shall we head back then?” James asked.

“Aye, let’s grab a taxi.”

They exchanged another smile, then walked off home arm in arm, periodically exchanging goofy smiles like the dorks that they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought!
> 
> As this fic began life as a one-shot, I'd like to thank everyone who encouraged me to continue it which I'm glad I did!
> 
> I'll be updating "The Tale of the Wee English Fella" soon and I hope to finish that soon so stay tuned!


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